


If They Come for You

by pinkturtle55



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-05-14 13:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 27,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14770478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkturtle55/pseuds/pinkturtle55
Summary: The SVU team works together to keep Barba safe and apprehend his attacker when threats against him turn to physical violence. As Barba and Carisi navigate their evolving relationship amidst the stressful case, the team discovers that the threats may be more ruthless than they’d initially anticipated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank my friend fandomescapism for their edits and help with this fic :)
> 
> Trigger Warning: mentions of sexual assault and rape in the context of investigating cases

Barba couldn’t show fear in the courtroom.

He could show anger and sympathy and occasionally contempt, depending on the defendant, but it all had to be done with a purpose. 

Every emotion that came across his face, that could be heard in his voice, had to be calculated. They could only be presented when they would benefit the case. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel other emotions during court, he merely had to control what the jury saw.

And some days it was harder to do than others. 

His voice was rising as he questioned the defendant on the stand. He was pointing his finger, accusing, taking out pictures of the victims. He managed to work the man up until he shouted out that they deserved it. That they deserved to be raped and murdered because of what they were wearing or where they had been.

“That will be all,” Barba returned to his seat, not even trying to hide his smirk as he saw Rita Calhoun furiously writing at the defendant’s table to his left. 

She went on redirect, trying to salvage the case. Trying to walk back what her client had said, but the jury wasn’t buying it, Barba could see that. Once she was finished, the Judge called for a recess until nine o’clock the following morning for closing arguments. 

Barba stood, he smoothed his tie and grabbed his briefcase. He was barely out of the courtroom when Rita was beside him.

“About a plea–” she started. 

“A little late for that now, don’t you think?”

“Come on,” Rita said, “hear me out.”

Barba stopped in his tracks and turned to face her, “the jury’s going to convict on all charges, I’d spend your time preparing your client for prison.” 

He returned to walking.

“You know you’re a pretentious ass, right?” Rita shouted after him.

“You flatter me,” Barba smirked. 

He had almost made it to his office when someone else began shouting after him. 

“Hey, Counsellor!” 

Barba sighed, his hand already on the door to his office, “what is it Carisi?”

“Just wanted to say you did a good job on that cross,” Sonny grinned.

“We still have closing arguments before the jury deliberates.”

“Yeah, but there’s no way they’d acquit.”

“Did you need something, Detective? Or have you merely come here to cast your predictions on my case?” Barba opened the door to his office and walked in. Although he didn’t invite Carisi in, he wasn’t surprised to see the detective follow him anyway.

“Ah, you know you like to be flattered.” The smile hadn’t left Carisi’s face as he leaned against the doorway.

Only by you, Barba thought, but instead he just rolled his eyes. “So is that all you’re here for? Because I can assure you I get enough elsewhere.”

“Is that right, Counsellor?”

Barba ignored him when he noticed the small white envelope on his desk. Only his name was scrawled out on the front, no postage. His stomach sunk. He picked it up and folded it in half before stuffing it in his jacket pocket.

Barba looked up at Carisi who had begun to ramble on about something or another. “Get to the point or get out,” Barba said pointedly, then added as an afterthought when he saw the hurt on Carisi’s face, “it’s been a long day.”

“It’s the case we’ve got,” Carisi said, “we think we know who did it, but we need a DNA sample to confirm.”

“Was the suspect identified in a line up?”

“The vic didn’t see anything. It was dark, he grabbed her from behind.”

“Is there any other physical evidence?”

“This guy, Anthony Warben, has been hanging around the coffee shop she works at and he’s got at least two restraining orders against him. He’s a real creep.”

“I’m gonna need more than a gut feeling, Detective. Come back tomorrow with something more substantial and I’ll get you the warrant. And don’t give me that look,” Barba said as Carisi’s face twisted in exasperation, “you passed the bar, you know well enough that you don’t have enough for a warrant.”

Carisi sighed, “Yeah.” 

“So what exactly were you expecting by coming to my office?”

“I dunno,” Carisi shrugged.

“I know you’re a detective, Carisi, but you could just as well be a lawyer. Don’t bring me anymore half-assed cases expecting miracles.”

“Got it, Counsellor,” Sonny flashed another smile, “have a good night.”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Rafael sighed, but he gave Sonny a small smile as he left his office.

When he was gone, Barba sat down behind his desk and leaned back in his chair. This thing with Carisi, he didn’t even know what it was, but ever since he had shadowed him, Carisi always seemed to be around. And as much irritation as Barba exhibited about it, he wasn’t all that upset. It was nice to see the man, if it was ever possible for someone to brighten the dullest of days, it was him. 

But all of those thoughts were insignificant, because Carisi didn’t see him as anything other than a mentor. Someone who had given him the opportunity to shadow. How could he?

Barba ridiculed himself for even thinking about Sonny that way. Anyway, he had much bigger problems that needed to be dealt with. He pulled out the envelope from his pocket. He had immediately recognized the handwriting, and he already knew what he would see when he opened it.

Nevertheless, he did. Maybe it was some masochistic part of him that wanted to read the words. Really, death threats were nothing new. But they had become much more frequent and much more... descriptive.

The threats had died down for a time, but now they were back. 

He probably should have told Olivia by now, she would be furious with him when she did find out. But he would leave that for another day, because right now he was exhausted. He could think of nothing more than pouring himself a scotch and tweaking his closing argument for the next morning.

He worked until sometime past ten before he put a few files in his briefcase and grabbed his coat. The building was mostly empty as he left, barring a few others burning the midnight oil. He called for a ride as he walked down the courthouse steps. 

Barba waited by the side of the road and was typing furiously on his phone. Rita was still trying to weasel her way out of the inevitable conviction of her client. He had just pressed send when two arms reached around him, one covering his mouth and the other up against his neck.

He could feel the blade, it was cold and sharp as the man pressed it to his skin without breaking it. 

Barba was rarely afraid.

He was snarky and sarcastic and his words could cut a man twice his size.

But now? Right now?

He was goddamn terrified.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv assigns Carisi to Barba's security detail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews and kudos :) I'd love to hear from you all!

Carisi was sitting at his desk poring over case files. DNA had connected the rape they were investigating to two others that had occurred over the past three months, but no one had been charged in either of the cases. There had been the same problem as this one, the victim hadn’t been able to identify the perp. Rollins and Fin were out talking to people, trying to find someone who had seen something, and Carisi was stuck going over old case files. 

He was reading the hospital reports, injuries consistent with rape in all three cases, when Olivia walked out of her office toward him.

“Fin and Rollins found a witness who says they can positively ID the rapist from the first attack. They’re bringing her in for a lineup, but I want a warrant for this guy’s DNA now,” Olivia said.

“Got it, Cap. I’ll call Barba.” Carisi picked up his phone and punched in Barba’s number. It rang seven times before going to voicemail. He hung up and looked at Benson, “he’s not answering, I can go stop by his office, he might be in court.”

“No,” Benson waved her hand dismissively, “I’ll go. I missed a call from him last night, I can see what he needed.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Carisi said in a bad attempt to hide his disappointment. But if Benson saw it, she didn’t say anything. 

Olivia took the walk to the courthouse to go over the details of the case in her head. By the time she arrived at Barba’s office she knew what she was going to say if he tried to argue they still didn’t have enough for a warrant. The witness may be from a different case, but the DNA tied it to their case. She knew this guy was good for all three rapes, but they needed the warrant to prove it.

“Is he in?” Olivia asked Carmen, who was seated at her desk outside Barba’s closed office door.

“Yes,” she said, “but he’s not taking visitors–” she tried to stop Olivia who had already opened the door.

Barba was looking down at a file on his desk.

“I thought I said no visitors,” his voice raised just enough for Carmen to hear him. But he sighed and looked up, “I assume you’re here about the warrant your detective was harassing me for last night?”

“Jesus, Barba,” Olivia said, scanning his face. Seeing the bruise under his left eye and his split lip. She looked down and saw fresh blood on his collar from a cut on his neck. 

“I can’t get you the warrant until you bring me more evidence,” Barba continued.

“Rafael,” Olivia said, “we’re not talking about the case anymore. What happened?”

Barba sighed, “close the door, will you?”

Benson closed the office door and then returned to the desk, taking a seat. “What’s going on?”

Barba stood and walked past his desk and to the small table against the wall, “coffee?” He poured himself a large cup when Benson declined and returned to his seat. 

“When’s the last time you slept, Barba?” 

“It’s been awhile,” he admitted.

“Rafael, talk to me, what’s going on?”

“I have been receiving letters recently. Threats, really. At first they were left on Carmen’s desk, but yesterday it was sitting on my desk when I got back from court. I keep my office door locked, Liv.”

“And what happened last night?” Olivia leaned forward in her seat, eyes locked on Barba.

He took a gulp of coffee and swallowed before answering, “I was leaving the office, it was probably around 10:20, it was dark out. I was waiting for my ride when a man came up behind me.”

“Then what happened?” Olivia pressed gently.

“He covered my mouth with one hand and put a knife against my neck with the other. He pulled me over to the side of the courthouse. He punched me in the face a few times and then brought the knife up to my neck and told me to expect more visits.” He brought his hand up to the cut on his neck. 

“Did he ask for anything? A case he wanted dropped?”

Barba shook his head, “I wish he had, it would’ve made it that much easier to nail the son of a bitch.”

“Did you tell anyone what happened?” Benson asked.

Barba looked away, “I called you.”

Olivia thought of the missed call on her phone right now, remembering how she had decided last night that whatever it was could wait until morning because she was busy trying to get Noah to sleep, “I’m sorry, Raf.”

“Don’t be,” he shrugged off the apology. “The guy made it very clear that the NYPD would not be sympathetic to my situation.”

“Do you think there are cops involved in the threats against you?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’ve put away a lot of bad people, and some of them have been law enforcement.” 

“I want a protection detail on you until we catch this guy,” Benson said.

“No offense, Liv, but I’d rather be on my own than with an officer I don’t know.”

“I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, can I have all of the threats you’ve received?”

“In the past few months or all of them? If it’s the latter, I might have to send Carmen into the archives with a forklift.”

Olivia shook her head, “get me all of them, my team can sort it out.”

“You don’t have time for this,” Rafael stated, “I know your caseload.”

“Don’t worry about that, Barba. Anyway, we need you around to prosecute our cases,” Olivia gave him a half smile.

“Speaking of,” Barba said, “did you have any new evidence for me?” 

Olivia remembered the reason she had come here in the first place and began to explain, “we’ve got an eyewitness who can ID the assailant.”

“Carisi told me you didn’t have any witnesses.” Barba raised a brow.

“It’s from an unsolved case in September, but we have it tied to the our case through DNA.”

“So if you can identify the man who committed the rape in September, you can identify the man who committed this rape?”

“Yes,” Olivia nodded.

“Get a positive ID and that’s good enough for me.”

“Thanks, Barba. By the way, how were closing arguments this morning? Sorry I couldn’t make it.”

Barba grimaced, “it’s a good thing I had a solid case going in, my appearance wasn’t the most reassuring.”

“That guy’s guilty, there’s no doubt about that.”

“Let’s hope the jury sees it that way.” 

XXX

Carisi was sitting at his desk when Olivia walked back into the bullpen. 

“Carisi, my office, please.”

He got up and followed her into her office where she shut the door.

“Everything okay, Cap?”

“Have a seat.” Olivia walked around to the other side of her desk and sat.

“Yeah, okay,” Carisi said hesitantly, unsure of why he was there. When he was sitting he saw that Benson was looking at him carefully. 

“You’re aware that Barba has been receiving death threats?” Benson asked.

“Yeah,” Carisi nodded.

“Well, things have escalated,” Olivia said, “he was assaulted last night.”

“What?” Sonny’s eyes widened, “is he okay?”

“A few cuts and bruises, but he’ll be okay. Barba needs protection detail, but we have reason to believe that there may be law enforcement officers involved in these threats. I’m going to request something of you Carisi, and I want you to know that you are more than able to say no, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I need someone I trust to be keeping an eye out for him. I know this is a lot to ask, but would you be willing to do that? It would mean going with him to and from work and any other time he goes out and spending nights at his apartment. This would obviously be considered work and your hours with SVU would be adjusted accordingly.”

“Of course, Cap,” Carisi said, “I’ll do that, no problem.”

“Are you sure, Carisi?” She looked at him carefully.

“Positive.”

And as much as Carisi hated that Barba was getting threats, as much as he hated the person or people threatening him, the idea of getting to spend more time with the counsellor made his heart race. And he knew that he was the obvious choice, Rollins had her daughter and Fin had more years on SVU than him, but Sonny couldn’t help but be pleased that Benson had picked him, that she trusted him to do this. 

Carisi knew that Barba would take this new security detail begrudgingly, but Carisi also knew that his persistence tended to pay off in the end. And now he wouldn’t have to make anymore excuses to see him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny spends his first night at Rafael's as his security detail.

It was seven o’clock that evening when Carisi showed up at Barba’s office with a bag filled with Chinese take-out. He knocked on the open door and waited for Barba to look up from his work.

“Yes, Detective?” Barba asked.

“I knew you’d still be here,” Carisi grinned, “and I take it you haven’t had dinner yet?”

Barba looked over at the clock on the wall. He leaned back in his chair, “is that an offer?”

Sonny held up the bag, “best Chinese take-out in Manhattan.”

Rafael eyed him suspiciously, “are you trying to bribe an assistant district attorney with food?”

“‘Course not,” the lopsided grin on his face widened, “just a friendly offering of food with absolutely no strings attached.”

“I somehow doubt that,” Barba said, but he could feel his stomach growl and the smell of food had now filled his office, “come in,” he conceded.

Sonny crossed the space from the door to Barba’s desk in a few easy steps and set the bag down. He pulled out the cartons of food and spread them out on the table. 

Barba eyed the amount of food he had bought, “were you expecting an entire courtroom for dinner?”

“Just thought you’d be hungry, and now we have dinner to heat up for tomorrow.”

Barba paused, a carton of food in his hand, “tomorrow?”

Carisi shrugged, “it should stay good for a few days if you don’t feel like Chinese two days in a row.”

“A bit presumptuous, don’t you think?” Barba raised a brow.

“Oh,” Sonny said, clearly flustered, “I didn’t mean to–I just figured, if you were eating late that maybe we could, since I’ll be at your office, but of course we don’t have to...”

“What are you rambling on about, Carisi?” Barba’s brows furrowed. Then his face went from one of confusion to realization, “wait... you?”

Carisi looked sheepish, “Liv didn’t tell you?”

“Must have slipped her mind.”

Carisi set down his fork, “I guess I didn’t go about this the right way, Counselor. Liv wants someone keeping an eye out for you with the death threats and all. She wanted someone that you both trust, and I guess I fit the bill.”

Barba said nothing, just stared at him. 

“You’re looking at your new security detail,” Sonny gave a half smile and pointed at himself.

“And do I have a choice in the matter?”

“Well, you could say no, but then Liv might kill both of us.”

Barba sighed, “so what exactly does this security detail entail?”

“I’ll explain while we eat. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

XXX

Barba walked out of his bedroom carrying a comforter and a pillow. He entered the living room and had to bite back a smile at seeing Carisi in flannel pajama pants and dark t-shirt. 

“I see you’re making yourself comfortable,” he set the bedding on the end of the couch. 

“Actually, this feels a bit constricting, at home I sleep naked,” Carisi grinned.

Barba blushed and busied himself with the books on the table to hide his face, “I think we might need to establish some house rules,” he muttered.

Carisi plopped down cross-legged on the couch, “no sleeping naked, what else?”

When Barba could finally look at Sonny without his face heating up he sat down on the couch, “whoever wakes up first makes coffee.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Sonny agreed.

“I like to get to the office by eight, sometimes earlier if I have to go to court, and I guess we’ll figure out everything else as we go.”

“And remember, if you’re going anywhere out of the courthouse, you call me and I’ll be there. Think of me as your shadow,” Carisi smiled. 

Barba rolled his eyes, “god, I thought I got rid of that when you passed the bar.” 

But secretly he was grateful. Because while he would never admit to this, things had been bad even before he was assaulted. The letters, reading detailed descriptions of how he could be murdered, being told over and over that one day he would walk out of the office and never be seen again, was taking its toll. He hadn’t slept well in weeks. He rarely went out, keeping himself either at the office or his apartment. The only other time he didn’t feel like he needed to look over his shoulder was when he was with SVU. 

And it wasn’t just anyone here, it was Carisi. It was Carisi sleeping on his couch. It was Carisi with his glock rested on the end table. It was Carisi looking at him like he was something that deserved protection. Like he was worth saving.

Barba suddenly filled with guilt. Carisi was going out of his way to do this, because sleeping on his couch and going with him to and from the office was in no way an SVU detectives duty. But yet, he was here. 

He had to remind himself it was because Olivia had asked him. Of course that was why Carisi was here. He would never say no to an order from her. 

Barba didn’t realize how long they had been sitting there in silence until he looked over and saw that Carisi had pulled out a book and was reading. He glanced at the cover and got the gist that it had something to do with law.

“I thought you already passed the bar,” Barba noted.

Carisi looked up from his book, “gotta stay on my toes. Never know when someone will commit a crime in rural Idaho and try to get away with it.”

Barba raised a brow, “you’re reading about the Yellowstone jurisdiction fiasco?”

“You know about it?” Sonny asked.

Barba gave him a look.

“Yeah,” Carisi laughed, “of course you do.”

“So what’s your take on it?” Barba asked, “if someone committed a murder in those 50 square miles of Yellowstone in Idaho, should you prosecute?”

“You’d have to,” Carisi said, “it’s a crime.”

“What about the vicinage clause? If that area jurisdictionally belongs to Wyoming, but is in the state of Idaho, in an area, I must point out, that has no residents, how would you assemble a jury?” 

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t prosecute?” Carisi asked.

“No,” Barba said, “I’m saying you need to argue your case. It’s not enough to have passion, you also need precedents and case law. You can’t just be right, you need to be able to go in front of a judge and jury and prove it.”

“So what’s your take?” 

Barba shook his head, “you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.”

“Fine,” Sonny said, just a hint of a whine in his voice, but he was secretly pleased. He and Barba were talking, even if it was about criminal law. And despite his aloof dismissal, Barba was giving him advice, and at that point Sonny would have given just about anything to keep their conversation going. 

“What was the hardest case that you’ve ever had to argue in court?”

“You really want to hear my old court stories?”

Carisi nodded and then pulled the comforter onto his lap and leaned back for effect, “you’ve got a captive audience of one who’s got lots to learn.”

Barba shook his head, but began to talk despite himself. He started by telling Carisi about one of the first cases he had prosecuted back in Brooklyn and before he knew it he had told him stories he had never told anyone before.

It was well past three in the morning when Barba looked at the time and yawned, “we better both get to sleep,” he stood up from the couch, “goodnight, Carisi.”

“‘Night, Counselor.”

“We’re not at work, Sonny, you don’t have to call me Counselor.”

Sonny smiled, “goodnight, Rafael.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny is worried about Rafael and wants to keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I hope you all like the chapter and I'd love it if you'd review!

Barba stood next to Liv watching Carisi’s interrogation through the observation window in her office. SVU had brought in Warben that morning after finding him hiding out at an old high school friend’s house. 

“We’re still waiting back on the DNA,” Benson explained, “but our witness saw Warben leaving the scene just minutes after the first victim was raped.”

“Has he asked for a lawyer?” Barba asked, a yawn escaping his mouth.

“No.”

“Good,” Barba nodded. He took a long sip from his coffee and watched as Carisi leaned back in his chair, his demeanor relaxed.

“I get it man,” Carisi said, “you weren’t stalking those girls, right? You just cared about them, you were spending time with ‘em.”

“Right!” The man exclaimed, “that other detective, he was saying all these things about me, but they’re not true!”

“I know,” Carisi nodded, “not everyone gets it, but I do. So that’s why you were at Melissa’s work, right? Because you care about her?”

“Yeah,” Warben agreed, “she works so much, so I go to the coffee shop to spend time with her.”

“You know,” Carisi started, “that’s real thoughtful of you. A lotta guys wouldn’t bother to visit their girl at work.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying.” Warben was now nodding furiously.

“Now why don’t you tell me about Thursday night,” Carisi suggested, “I know you didn’t do anything wrong, but that other detective? He’s not so sure. So I just need you to tell me everything that happened so I can explain to him that you’re a good guy and that this is all a misunderstanding.”

Barba was impressed as he watched Carisi work. Warben was telling him about how he was waiting for Melissa after work when a man that Barba vaguely recognized walked past him and Benson and continued toward the interrogation room.

“You can’t go in there,” Benson stopped him.

“I’m Brian Roth, Anthony Warben’s attorney.”

“He hasn’t asked for one,” Barba stepped forward.

“I was retained by his mother. Now stop this interview, everything he has said is inadmissible.”

“He was informed of his rights,” Barba said, “at no time did he request a lawyer. None of his rights have been violated and this line of questioning is completely admissible.” 

“Who are you?” Roth took a step closer to Barba.

“I’m the ADA prosecuting this case.”

Roth gave him a close look before turning back to Benson, “I’ll need to speak with my client now.”

Benson nodded. She opened the door, “Carisi, you’re done.”

Sonny looked up at her, “Cap–”

“Warben’s lawyer is here,” she explained.

“Lawyer?” Warben asked, “I didn’t call a lawyer?”

“Your mother hired me, son,” Roth walked into the interrogation room, “now don’t you say another word.”

Carisi walked out of the room and Benson shut the door behind him. She flipped a switch so that they could no longer hear what was happening on the other side of the window. 

“I almost had him,” Carisi said, looking at Benson, “he was going to confess to the rape.”

“He placed himself in her vicinity the night of the attack,” Barba said, “that will go a long way if this goes to trial.”

Carisi turned toward Barba’s voice, “what’re you doing here?” He exclaimed, “you were supposed to call me, I would’ve gotten you...”

“Carisi–”

But Sonny wouldn’t let Barba get a word in edgewise.

“What if something had happened?”

“Carisi,” Benson put a hand on his shoulder, “you were in interrogation, I walked over to the courthouse and walked back with him.” 

“Oh,” Sonny said, taking a moment to collect himself, “right, sorry.”

“Barba, could we have a moment?” Benson asked while eyeing Carisi.

“Of course,” Barba said, “I’ll be in the squad room.”

When Barba was gone, Liv leaned back against the wall. “How’re you doing, Carisi?”

“I’m fine,” he said, “wish the lawyer woulda shown up about two minutes later, but what can ya’ do.”

“And how did staying at Barba’s house last night go?”

“Good,” he nodded, “couch is gonna do a number on my back, but I didn’t see anything suspicious.”

Benson tilted her head slightly, “I’m glad you’re taking this assignment seriously, but if this is too much for you, Carisi, I understand. I can find someone else.”

“What?” Sonny asked, “no, of course not!”

Olivia sighed, “part of this assignment was so Barba would start sleeping again, but now you both look like hell.”

“We’re just working out a few kinks,” Carisi flashed her a smile, “it’s nothing to worry about, Cap. I’ll even make sure Barba’s tucked in and asleep by nine.”

Benson shook her head and chuckled, but then she grew serious again, “do you promise to tell me if it gets to be too much?”

“I promise, Liv.”

But Carisi knew that he would never voluntarily give up this assignment. He didn’t care if he was tired or busy or if his back was killing him. 

“Okay,” she nodded.

When Carisi left Liv’s office and found Barba in the squad room he was thankful that the other man didn’t say anything about his previous outburst. 

“You did a good job on the interrogation,” Barba said.

“Ah, it was no big deal,” Carisi tried to wave off the compliment that he secretly cherished. Barba rarely gave out compliments, but whenever he did, it left Sonny’s face glowing. 

“I, um,” Barba said, and for the first time that Carisi had ever heard, he sounded uncertain, “I don’t think I ever thanked you. I know that being my security detail, or whatever it is you call it, can’t be easy. I just... thank you.”

“Sure thing, Counsellor,” Sonny smiled. A compliment and a thank you all in the span of a minute? Carisi was sure this had to be some sort of record. 

“DNA came back from the lab,” Benson said as she walked toward them from her office, “it’s a match to Warben.”

XXX 

“Rape two,” Warben’s lawyer argued with Barba.

“We have his DNA from three rapes, he stalked the women for weeks before attacking them. I won’t go below rape one.”

“Then drop the stalking charges,” Roth pressed.

“I’ll drop it to stalking in the third, a misdemeanor, rather than felony stalking in the first he’ll get if we go to trial.” 

Roth thought for a moment, “fine,” he agreed.

When they were done hashing out the details of the plea deal, Barba walked out of the interview room he and the defense attorney had been using. He usually preferred to have these conversations in his office, but under the circumstances, this was more convenient than all of them picking up and walking over to the courthouse. 

Barba walked over to Liv’s office, where Rollins, Fin, and Carisi were standing.

He knocked on the door frame, “Carmen still needs to draw up the paperwork, but Warben will be pleading to rape one and stalking three. He’ll do a minimum of fifteen years.”

Benson nodded, “thanks Barba.” Then she turned to look at her detective’s, “Fin and Rollins, you two were primary on this, go talk to the victims.”

“Got it, Liv,” Fin said and they both left the office. 

“I was going to head back to the courthouse,” Barba glanced at Carisi.

“Got it,” Carisi said, then he turned to look at Benson, “I’ll be back in a few.”

Carisi had begun to follow Barba out of the office when Benson stopped him, “a minute Carisi?”

He stopped and turned, “what’s up?”

“Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay.”

“We got the guy, Carisi. Take the afternoon, that’s an order.”

XXX

Carisi was walking with Barba back to the courthouse when Barba steered them toward the small coffee cart just before the courthouse steps. Carisi stood there in wonder as the other man ordered a quad shot, “wow, I really do need to get you into bed.”

“What was that?” Barba turned and stared at him, his brow raised.

Carisi’s face burned, “I didn’t mean–” he started, “I just promised Benson that you’d get more sleep, not that like–”

But Barba’s name was called before Sonny could finish his blundered explanation and Rafael turned to pick up his large drink. Barba turned and began to walk to the courthouse, Carisi beside him, and muttered, “that’s a shame.”

Sonny’s steps faltered for a moment as he tried to figure out if he had heard Barba correctly and he had to hurry up the courthouse steps to catch up with the man.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more adorable flirting...... and drama!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and reviews :) I would love to hear more about what you all think of this fic!

When seven o’clock rolled around and Carisi had yet to hear from Barba, he made his way to the courthouse. He had spent his entire afternoon off trying to interpret what he could have sworn he had heard Rafael say. That meant going over every conversation, every look, every touch between the two of them. 

And still, Sonny didn’t know, but he sure did know what he wanted.

When he walked up to Barba’s open door he stood there for just a moment and watched as the older man flipped through papers, adding notes and crossing things out as needed. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face, watching Barba work. 

He’d liked the man for quite a while now, and despite the jabs Barba occasionally threw his way, Carisi knew it was all good natured. And he was starting to think that maybe Barba liked him too. 

“Like what you see, Detective?”

Carisi realized he had been staring and his face flushed.

Barba smiled himself. He had watched Carisi stare at him for a few moments before he spoke, and he had seen the man probing him with his eyes. Searching for something. And now, with Sonny’s cheeks pink and the smile spreading across his face, Barba couldn’t keep his heart from quickening and he could feel his desire for the man growing.

Carisi fumbled for what to say, a way to keep it light. Light flirting, was that a thing? But try as he might not a single retort came to mind. Not a single reply. Not even a sentence. 

Barba raised both brows. He sensed Carisi’s floundering, and despite his usual approach, he tried to help him recover, “I’m just about done for the night.”

“Oh, ah,” Carisi tried to work out words, tried to get his tongue and mouth to cooperate with his brain to form a sentence, “I can wait, Counselor, don’t rush on my account.”

Barba made one more mark before closing a file and locking it in his desk drawer, “I’ve been here long enough for today.”

“Have you had dinner yet?” Carisi asked as Barba gathered his things and pulled on his coat, a hint of hope in his voice. 

“I haven’t,” Rafael waited for Sonny to leave the office before locking the door behind them, “and I know just the place.”

XXX

Sonny and Rafael walked side by side down the Manhattan street. Shadows were cast around them by surrounding buildings and street lights. There was a light breeze in the October air and Carisi could feel an electric jolt through his entire body as his hand brushed against Barba’s.

And all Carisi could think of was the man beside him. How more than anything he wanted to take his hand in his. Carisi was thinking of how it would feel, to hold Rafael’s hand, when they rounded the corner.

When a man rushed up to Barba and grabbed him by the collar.

When he pushed him against the building. 

And without thinking about it, without needing to think about it, Carisi took the man down. He forced him down onto the sidewalk, pressed his face against the concrete, and cuffed him. When the man was subdued he took out his cell phone and called for backup.

Carisi leaned down so his face was close to the perp’s, “you think you can threaten an ADA?” He hissed, his heart racing with adrenaline, “we’re gonna destroy you.”

When backup arrived Carisi ordered them to take the suspect to SVU holding and called Liv. When he hung up his phone for the second time he turned to Barba who was still leaning against the brick wall, his eyes wide and his breaths heavy.

“You okay, Raf?” Sonny asked, rushing to his side. 

“Yeah,” Barba said, “yeah.”

“Are you hurt?”

Rafael looked at his limbs as though trying to determine if he was, “I’m okay,” he confirmed, “good thing I had my personal bodyguard with me to take him down, though,” he said with a hint of a smile.

Carisi didn’t return it, the look of concern still in his eyes, “Liv wants us at the station, I’ll call another squad car.”

“We can walk,” Barba said, “it’s not far.”

“With what happened I’d rather–”

“Please,” Barba said. 

A single word. A single word that held much more than any other could have in that moment. Carisi knew he should call a car, but when he saw Barba’s look he couldn’t bring himself to. He had never heard Barba say please before. 

Barba stood up so that he was no longer leaning against the wall. 

“If you get hurt walking to the station, Liv’s gonna kill me.”

“I have no doubts that you can keep me safe, Sonny.”

XXX

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Benson asked Barba for the third time since he and Carisi had arrived to the squad room.

“I’m fine Liv, really. Carisi had him on the ground before he had a chance to do anything.”

Benson nodded, considering, “still, two assaults in three days, this is escalating. And you’re sure this isn’t the same guy from before?”

“Yeah,” Barba grunted.

“So we’ve got at least two perps.”

There was a knock on the door and Barba and Benson looked up. Rollins stood in the doorway, hand stretched out, “coffee, Counselor.”

“Thank you,” Barba gratefully took the steaming cup and pulled in two gulps. With the coffee still in his hand he turned back to the interrogation window where he could see Carisi and Tutuola interrogating the man who had grabbed him. 

Carisi was close to him, close enough the perp would be able to feel his breath on his face, “why do you want the ADA dead? You got something against him?”

The man, Arnaldo Francis, as he had been identified from his prints, remained silent.

“Nah,” Fin said, leaning back in his chair, “no way this guy’s behind the threats. He doesn’t have the aptitude for that if you get what I’m saying. Probably just a hired gun.”

“I don’t care if you’re the fucking paperboy,” Carisi hissed, “I’ll take you down for this. So unless you start naming names, this is all gonna land on you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Francis turned away from Carisi.

“Man, you think your friends are gonna bail you out?” Fin asked, “they’re gonna let you take the fall. But me? I can help you, Arnaldo.”

Barba’s eyes were torn from the interrogation when he heard someone enter Liv’s office. Rita Calhoun was wearing her usual suit despite the late hour, and was clearly on a mission.

“You can stop that interrogation now, Captain,” she said. 

“You’re representing him?” Barba asked.

Olivia raised her brows, “why am I not surprised.”

“Your detectives?”

Benson sighed and opened the door, “Carisi, Fin, come on. Francis’ lawyer is here.” 

“I’m surprised you’re here so late,” Rita turned to look at Rafael, “I didn’t think you got out of bed for anything less than felony assault.”

“And I didn’t realize you were this threatened by me,” Barba’s words were sharp, “hoping the next ADA will be more lenient?”

Rita narrowed her eyes, but her response was interrupted by Carisi when he walked out of the interrogation room.

“Rapists, serial killers, and now this? Is there anyone you won’t defend?” Carisi snarled.

“C’mon Carisi,” Fin tried to pull him away, “she only sees dollar signs.”

But Sonny wouldn’t move, standing toe to toe with the defense attorney, “so what is it? Is it just about the money or do you like getting these guys off?”

Rita swallowed and took a measured breath, “everyone deserves a defense. And now I’m beginning to wonder if there’s more to this case than I was informed. This was a misdemeanor assault, if you could even call it that, it shouldn’t have resulted in an arrest. Why is SVU involved?”

Benson and Barba shared a look.

“Fin, Carisi, give me and the counselors here a minute,” Benson spoke to both of the detectives but her eyes were locked on Sonny. 

Fin had to give Sonny a slight pat on the back before he would walk away, but when they left the room Olivia leaned back against her desk and sighed.

“So you really don’t know what this is about?” Olivia looked at Calhoun.

Rita looked at her, measured, before looking at Barba. She seemed reluctant to answer, but that gave Benson the only answer she needed.

While Olivia worked out what to say Barba stepped forward and spoke, “Rita, your client has been involved in death threats against me. I doubt I’ll be prosecuting the case, but I can damn near guarantee you that he’s not the one we want. If you can get him to give up whoever he’s working for, we can make a deal.” 

Rita’s eyes narrowed, “what sort of deal are you thinking?”

“If he names everyone involved, I’ll talk to the DA about getting charges dropped.”

“He’s not the one with the grudge,” Olivia added, “and until we find out who that is, they’ll keep sending people after Barba.”

Calhoun nodded, “I’ll talk to my client.”

And when Rita was gone, Rafael sighed. He took another long sip of his coffee and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. 

“I want a 24 hour protection detail on you,” Olivia said.

“That’s hardly necessary.”

“Rafael, we both know these attacks will keep escalating.”

Barba looked at Olivia, his eyes weary, “you know my history with the department.”

“My team only,” she promised, “but not just to and from the office, I want someone with you at all times. And while we do that, we’re going to be working this case, Barba. We’re going to find out who’s behind this, and we’re going to stop them.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny cooks for Rafael <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but no fear this story will be finished, it's just been a busy few weeks. Thanks for putting up with the delay :)

Almost three hours after Sonny and Rafael had been walking down the sidewalk together they were back at Barba’s apartment. Olivia had driven them on her way home with the arrangement that Carisi would stay the night and go to Barba’s office with him in the morning and stay there until Fin showed up. 

Barba put his key in the door but it didn’t turn.

“Oh, almost forgot,” Carisi muttered, rummaging in his pockets until he pulled out two shiny keys and handed them to Barba, “deadbolt one and deadbolt two.”

Barba took the keys and turned back to the door, it wasn’t until then that he noticed the new locks that had been installed. He then turned to look at Sonny and saw a new camera in the hall that pointed right at them. 

“When did you do all of this?” 

“I had some free time this afternoon,” Sonny shrugged, “I also got new locks on your windows and cameras overlooking the fire escape. And those are the only two keys, so don’t you lose them.”

“You really didn’t have to,” Barba said as he proceeded to unlock the door.

“Only the best protection for you, Counselor.”

Barba pushed the door open and they walked into the dark room, “what did I tell you about calling me Counselor off the clock?”

“Okay, Rafael,” Sonny smiled and locked all the deadbolts behind them, “since we weren’t able to go to dinner, why don’t I make us something?”

Barba turned on the lights and eyed the kitchen, “I’m not sure that stove’s been used since the last tennent.”

Carisi shook his head, “I’ll see what I can manage.” 

He walked into the kitchen and opened Barba’s cabinets, “do you have anything other than scotch?” 

“Coffee,” Barba said as he loosened his tie and sat down at the counter, “I also have coffee.”

Carisi made a face of disgust and continued to search the cabinets for anything edible he could use. Finally he came upon a half full box of pasta and a ninety-nine cent jar of tomato sauce. 

“I guess this will have to do,” he muttered to himself, then looked over at Barba with cautious hope “you got any spices?” 

“There might be some in the cabinet to the left of the oven.”

Sonny opened the door and found a jackpot of about ten spice shakers. He looked through them all before pulling out four. 

“When’s the last time you had a home cooked meal, Raf?” Sonny filled a pot with water and set it on the stove. 

“It’s been awhile,” Barba admitted.

“I’m going to have to change that.”

Sonny continued to work in the kitchen, doing his best to create a masterpiece out of nothing. They kept their conversation going, Carisi doing his best to avoid discussing the threats and the assaults. He would let Rafael bring that up if he wanted, but the man had been through enough tonight. All Sonny wanted to do was protect him, but beyond that, to make him feel safe. He wanted to wrap Barba in a blanket and pull him close. He wanted to hold him. He wanted to show Barba that people cared, that he cared.

But instead he made pasta.

When he was done, Carisi pulled out two plates and gave them both servings the size his mother would have. He set the food in front of Barba and went to grab them both forks. 

Rafael took a bite of the spaghetti and made a noise few men had ever had the pleasure of hearing. 

“Like it?” The corner of Sonny’s mouth quirked up. 

Barba blushed, but couldn’t look away in time to hide it. He was thankful when Carisi continued on as though nothing had happened. “I don’t think I’ve ever had spaghetti this good,” he admitted. 

“The key is the spices,” Sonny explained, “anyone can pour a jar of sauce over cooked noodles, but to really make it good, you need the right spices.”

“Where’d you learn to cook like this?” Barba took another bite.

“We used to have big family dinners growing up,” Carisi said as he sat down beside Barba, “I’d help my ma in the kitchen and she taught me everything I know.”

“I can just imagine you running around the kitchen causing a havoc,” Barba chuckled.

“I almost always got the tomato stains out,” Sonny smiled. 

Once they were done eating, Carisi took their dishes to the sink.

“Leave them for tomorrow,” Barba instructed.

Carisi rinsed them off and left them stacked in the sink. He glanced at the clock and walked over to Rafael, “I didn’t quite get you into bed by nine, but hopefully Cap will understand there were some extenuating circumstances.”

“Liv doesn’t have to know everything that happens here.”

Sonny held the other man’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat. He could feel his hands begin to sweat. “You’ve had a long night, Rafael,” he nearly whispered, “you should get some sleep.”

“Looking out for me as always,” Barba smiled and turned to walk to his bedroom, “goodnight, Sonny.”

“Goodnight, Raf,” Sonny whispered.

XXX

The next morning Barba sat at his desk reading through files and Carisi sat in the seat across from him. There was a knock on the door and Carisi stood, his hand on the gun in his holster, “who is it?” He called.

“It’s Fin!” 

Sonny opened the door to find the other detective standing there.

“Brought coffee and donuts,” Fin handed Carisi a paper tray with two coffee cups and a white bag. 

“Oh thank god,” Barba stood and circled his desk to grab the coffee nearest to him. 

“I’m here to relieve you,” Fin explained, looking at Carisi.

“You know, I’m fine staying here,” Sonny said. 

“Liv wants you at the precinct, something about actually letting the Counselor here work.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi and Rollins working together and talking :)

Carisi tapped his pen on the table as he flipped through papers. 

“Think you could cut that out?” Rollins looked at Carisi and then the pen.

“Yeah, sorry,” Carisi stilled his hand, “you find anything?”

“Barba sure does get a lot of threats,” Amanda held up a stack of paper and then proceeded to drop it on the table, “but I haven’t seen any here that match the recent ones he’s received,” she added. 

Carisi sighed, “same here.”

“So maybe it’s someone new,” Rollins said, “or maybe it’s related to the most recent threats against him, those were in person, so we don’t have any written threats to compare it to.”

“Well, the threats started to intensify after the Munson trial.”

“Do you think Rikers guards are involved in this?” Rollins asked.

“The man who attacked Barba hinted that someone in law enforcement was involved, and after the way they acted on the courthouse steps, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was them.”

Olivia walked into the room, “do you have any leads?”

“I’m gonna check out the perp and see if he has any ties to Rikers,” Carisi said. 

Liv looked at Amanda, “Rollins, see if you can find a connection on paper first. If there is involvement at Rikers, we’re not going to get their cooperation so we need to be smart about this.”

“Got it, Cap,” Amanda stood, “I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

Rollins left the room and Olivia sat. 

“Good job taking down the perp last night.”

“It’s nothing,” Carisi waved off the comment. 

“I know you didn’t sleep last night, Carisi,” she continued, “take an hour in the crib.”

“I don’t need it, I should help Rollins look into Rikers.”

“It’s an order, Sonny. I’ll get you if we find anything.”

“Yeah, okay,” Carisi stood. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, not even after staying up all night, but it wasn’t worth the argument with Liv. He grabbed his phone off his desk and made Rollins promise she wouldn’t go to Rikers without him. In the crib he turned off the lights and laid back on a cot. 

Sonny sighed.

He hadn’t gotten more than a couple hours of sleep over the past few days, but he was wired. The threats against Barba and the assault had been consuming his mind, that was what he was trained for, even if he hadn’t been trained for the victim to be Barba. It was hard for him to lay there and know that he was doing nothing to protect him. 

He closed his eyes, hoping that he could at least will away the headache that had begun to form. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Rafael, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the things Barba had said over the past few days. Their relationship had seemed to transform into something new, like it was moving toward something that Carisi had been dreaming of. 

He tried to imagine what that would be like, being with Rafael. 

“Hey, Carisi,” the door to the crib opened and light streamed in, “we’ve got a lead at Rikers.”

XXX

There was a knock at the door and Fin stood. He placed his hand on the door knob, “who’s out there?”

“It’s Rita Calhoun.”

Fin glanced over to Barba who nodded. He opened the door, letting her in before closing it again. 

“Barba,” Rita said, glancing between him and Fin, “I need to talk to you.”

“I’ll be right over here,” Fin said, sitting back down on the couch. He pulled out his phone to read a message from Liv. 

“Does your bodyguard really need to be here?” 

Fin glanced up, “you’re a defense attorney, as far as I’m concerned that makes you a threat.”

Rita sighed and sat down in front of Barba, “I spoke with my client.”

“This isn’t my case anymore, Rita.”

“I’m aware, but my client isn’t comfortable talking to any other ADAs in this office.”

Barba sighed, “I’m not in a position to make any sort of deal for your client. But I’ll get an ADA that Liv and I can vouch for.”

Rita stood, “when you have a name for me, I’ll speak to my client.”

XXX

Carisi let his eyelids fall as the movement of the car relaxed him. The consistent hum of the cars around them was white noise that helped clear his head. He sighed, releasing the tension from his muscles. 

“Remind me and we’ll stop for coffee on the way back,” Amanda said from the driver’s seat, “Fin showed me a great little shop in Astoria.”

Carisi opened his eyes and let out a yawn.

“How’s it been going? Being Barba’s body guard and all.” Amanda glanced over at him.

“It’s been alright,” Carisi shrugged, “he’s different outside of work, a lot easier to talk to.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, we were talking about court cases the other night and it was just, nice, you know? I like talking to him, spending time with him.”

A wry smile crossed Amanda’s face. “You’ve got a thing for Barba.”

“What?” Sonny blushed, “I don’t– why would you– there’s nothing–”

“Relax, Carisi, I’m not gonna tell anyone,” she turned to him with that same smile on her face, “but come on, it’s pretty clear you’ve got a thing for him.”

“I–” Carisi began, and then paused, “yeah, okay, maybe.”

Rollins grinned, “it’s about damn time you admitted it.”

Carisi let out a relieved yet uneasy sigh and smiled. He’d never talked to anyone in the squad about his sexuality, he’d never told them that he was attracted to men. 

Growing up, it had been kind of an open secret in his family. They all knew, but no one really talked about it, well, except for his sisters. It was just easier that way. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t think the squad would understand, and he knew there were other openly gay cops on the force, but it still scared him to talk about it. He had gone so long not talking about it, that even when he wanted to, even when he had tried so hard to tell the squad, he just couldn’t get the words out.

Amanda sensed his mood, “Sonny,” she started, “there’s nothing wrong with being gay, no one’s gonna think any differently of you.”

“Yeah,” he grunted, “I know.”

“Like I said, I’m not gonna tell anyone, but I’ll be there when you’re ready. And I’m here if you need to talk, okay?”

“Thanks,” Sonny smiled. 

“I got your back,” Amanda promised. 

Just then they pulled into Rikers. Rollins parked and they headed inside the prison.

After checking their guns and going through the metal detectors Rollins and Carisi entered the visitation room. Sitting at the table in front of them was the woman they had requested to see. 

“Can we have the room?” Amanda asked the guard standing by the door, “if anyone asks, you were here and we didn’t do anything. Can you help me out?”

He gave her a knowing look, and without saying a word, stepped out of the room and closed the door. 

“Who are you?” The woman demanded.

“Manhattan SVU,” Amanda flashed her badge. 

“What do you want from me?” She asked.

Sonny sat down across from her and smiled, “we just want to talk, Miranda. We’re not gonna hurt you, we just wanted the guard out of the room.”

“Yeah, well I got nothing to say.”

“You don’t even know why we’re here,” Rollins crossed her arms and walked across the room.

“Miranda,” Sonny leaned in close, “we’re trying to help you. We’ve got your uncle in custody. We think that maybe someone in here is hurting you to get to him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” her voice lowered and she looked away. 

“Just give us a name,” Amanda stepped close to her, “no one has to know we got it from you.”

“If we know what’s going on we can help your uncle,” Carisi said, “we can help you.”

“If you wanna help me, leave. And stop digging into this, you’ll get me killed.” Miranda’s voice was angry, but Sonny could see the fear in her eyes. 

Carisi nodded, he took out one of his cards and handed it to her, “if you change your mind.”

Miranda tucked the card away and Carisi stood. He and Rollins walked to the door and opened it. Amanda nodded at the guard who was walking toward them, “thanks,” she said, “but the bitch wouldn’t say a word.” She shook her head in disgust.

“That’s what we have to deal with every day,” the guard spat.

“I feel for ya, man,” Carisi patted his shoulder.

Once they were out of the prison and inside of their car, Amanda turned to face Sonny, “that girl was terrified.”

“Can you blame her? Someone at Rikers has gotta be blackmailing Francis, he does what they say or they hurt his niece.”

“We need to figure out who it is, nobody’s gonna talk if they’re stuck in prison with that guard.”

Rollins started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. They were on the road in minutes, the thought of getting coffee replaced with their rush to get back to their squad.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll have to read to find out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a chapter to end your weekend with :)

Barba tapped his finger on the rim of his glass and glanced at his watch. He took a sip of scotch and pursed his lips. 

“Relax, she’ll be here,” Olivia assured him as she hung up her phone, “and Carisi and Rollins are on their way.” 

As if on cue, the front door of the bar opened. Both Barba and Benson turned. Alex walked through the doorway and scanned the tables before landing on them. 

She walked over, “Liv,” she said, “it’s good to see you. And Barba,” she turned to look at him, “your reputation precedes you.”

“As does yours.”

“Now can I ask what all the cloak and dagger is about?” Alex looked back at Olivia as she sat down at the table. 

“Do you know anyone at Rikers?” Barba asked, forgoing any explanation.

“Well, I’ve prosecuted quite a few cases,” Cabot said.

“But anyone you care about? Family? Friends? Any inmates or guards?” Barba pressed.

“No,” Alex said, “now will you tell me what’s going on?”

Barba sighed and took a sip of his scotch, “Olivia trusts you, and from what I know, that says a lot. You also had quite the reputation while prosecuting sex crimes. I’ve spoken with the DA, and he has agreed to bring you back as an ADA.”

“And why exactly would I be returning to the DA’s office?” Alex asked, turning to look at Olivia. 

“Barba’s been receiving threats,” Olivia explained, “and the assaults have gotten physical. We have reason to believe there are Rikers guards behind it.”

“Oh, god.” 

“We have a suspect,” Barba added, “but he’s too afraid to talk. His niece is in Rikers and Carisi and Rollins just met with her.”

Just then the door to the bar opened and Carisi and Rollins walked in. They joined the table of three and squeezed around it. 

“We were just catching Alex up,” Benson explained.

Carisi nodded, “we met with Miranda, she’s terrified of someone, but won’t tell us a thing.”

“Anyone who has someone they care about at Rikers is at risk of being exploited,” Amanda continued, “the guards have total control over the inmates, all they have to do is use them as leverage.”

“I’ll see what I can do about getting your suspects niece transferred out of Rikers. What is she in for?” Alex asked.

“Possession.” 

“Okay,” Cabot nodded, “it shouldn’t be too hard to convince a judge to release her as an eyewitness. We’ll get her and your suspect into protective custody if they flip on the guards.”

“So you’re taking the case,” Carisi pressed.

“Yes,” she pursed her lips, looking at Barba, “it’s not going to be easy to build a case against these guys, but you’ve already proven it possible.”

“You do understand the risks, right?” Barba held her gaze, “I indicted one of their own and they’re after my head.”

“I’ve never been one to shy away from a fight,” Alex smiled. 

Barba nodded, “I’ll set up a meeting with you and Rita Calhoun, the suspects attorney.”

Alex nodded and she and Barba exchanged information. Barba pulled out his phone and took a few steps away from the table to make a call.

“Alex,” Olivia started, “I want you to stay with me until the trial is over.”

“I’ll be fine, Liv.”

“I’m not taking that risk, not again.”

XXX

“You think Francis will flip?” Sonny asked as he walked beside Rafael down the hall toward his apartment.

“I hope so,” Barba sighed, “Cabot’s meeting with Calhoun in the morning, we’ll find out then.”

Barba unlocked the deadbolts, but Carisi took the handle. He opened the door and took a step inside, “wait in the hall,” he whispered. With his hand rested on his gun he did a sweep of the apartment and then returned to the door, “can’t be too careful.”

When they were both inside with all the locks turned, Barba poured two glasses of scotch and sat on the couch. Carisi took the glass from Barba, but set it on the table beside him without taking a drink. 

“I know these past few days have been hard,” Sonny sat beside him, “but we’re gonna catch this son of a bitch.”

“It’s not SVU I doubt,” Barba replied.

“Well, until you’re safe, we’re going to protect you.”

“What about after?” Barba looked at Sonny. He looked into his blue eyes and couldn’t imagine a pair more beautiful. Right now they were filled with concern and concentration, but Rafael wished more than anything that he could see them without that worry. 

“I’m here as long as you’ll take me,” Sonny smiled, “you don’t have to worry about that. Now if I recall correctly, there should be some pasta in the fridge that I can heat up for us.”

“That sounds great.”

Carisi stood and walked into the kitchen. As he prepared their dinner, his mind was elsewhere. He thought about Rafael and about his conversation with Amanda earlier. Telling Amanda about his feelings had been terrifying, but he had felt this sort of relief after. Knowing that he could be himself around her, that he didn’t have to try and put up a front anymore. He thought about what he would feel like if he told Rafael. 

He had been uncertain at first, but Sonny was just about sure that Barba had the same feelings as him. The past few days had felt different, and Carisi couldn’t ignore the things Barba had said. It wasn’t him misinterpreting glances, these were words, actual words that Rafael had said. 

It only took a few minutes to prepare their dinner, but by the time Sonny set the plates on the kitchen counter, his heart was beating fast. 

He barely tasted the pasta as he ate, he couldn’t stop looking at Rafael. 

And when they were done Rafael took the plates and rinsed them off before setting them in the sink. “The benefit of not cooking is that I never have to do the dishes.”

“At what cost?” Carisi asked, “take out every night?”

Rafael chuckled, “cleaning dishes is worth it if it means eating your pasta. My cooking on the other hand...”

“Then I’ll have to cook for you more often,” Sonny smiled as Barba walked toward him.

“I’d like that.”

Rafael looked at him, their eyes meeting. Sonny could see that slight smiled on the other man’s face, one that often only made an appearance when he was pleased with how court had gone that day. Sonny’s heart skipped a beat and he leaned forward, placing his lips on Rafael’s in a kiss. 

But Rafael didn’t kiss him back.

Sonny pulled away. His heart dropped and and his face burned, for a moment he couldn’t move or speak.

“I should–” Barba took a step back, “um, I should get to bed.”

Sonny did nothing as he watched Barba turn and walk away. Shame filled him. How could he have done this, how could he have been so wrong. 

His chest felt both heavy and hollow. 

He pulled out his phone and dialed, barely aware of what he was doing, no thought to what he was going to say. 

Less than twenty minutes later there was a light knock on the door. Carisi checked the peep hole before opening the door.

“Sonny, what’s wrong?” Amanda asked as she walked into the apartment.

Carisi began to pace, back and forth, he couldn’t make eye contact with her, “I messed up, I really messed up.”

“Hey,” Amanda stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, “talk to me.”

He finally looked up at her, “I kissed him.”

And Amanda could tell from his tone, from his face, “I’m really sorry, Carisi.”

“I just... he’s in his room and I...” he began to pace again, “I can’t believe I did that... I can’t believe... I’ve ruined everything.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, no, it’s not,” he shook his head.

“Why don’t you go home? I can take over here, it’s not a problem.”

Carisi slowed to a stop, “Jessie,” he said, “I didn’t even think, I’m so sorry.”

“I got a sitter,” she said, “and I’ve got this covered. Go home, get some sleep, and call me if you need anything.”

“I–” Carisi almosted declined her offer, but he didn’t know how much longer he could stay in the apartment, “thanks,” he said finally, almost sheepishly. 

When Carisi stepped outside of the apartment building, he could finally take a breath. He waited for his ride outside, and when it pulled up, he got in. He almost gave the driver his address, but at the last second changed his mind. He stared out the window and they drove, the bright lights of the city blurring past his watering eyes. 

When they pulled up in front of the precinct Carisi paid the driver and got out. He wiped his eyes before entering the building, although he was pretty sure he wouldn’t run into anyone from the day shift. He rode the elevator alone and when he got to the squad room he went right to his desk. 

He began looking for any Rikers connections to the department and the DA’s office. Anyone with someone at Rikers could be exploited, and was therefore a threat to the case. He started a list, writing down names, relations, charges, and sentences. His eyes burned, but he didn’t dare stop working. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t let himself think. 

His eyes were glued to his computer screen and he didn’t hear Benson walk into the squad room.

“Who’s with Barba?” She asked, standing beside him.

Carisi jumped and then turned to her, “Rollins is there. I just, I needed a break.”

Olivia pulled a chair over to his desk and sat, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he blew off her question, “but I started looking into Rikers connections. There’s a judge with a daughter there, possession with intent, and–”

“Carisi,” she interrupted him, “you can’t work all night like this, you need sleep. You need a break.”

“You’re here,” he looked away from her.

“I haven’t been pulling overnight security details. Look, if it doesn’t involve the case, you don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but I’m here, okay?” She tilted her head, “this job is tough, you’ll burn out if you don’t take care of yourself.”

Carisi sighed, exhaustion overcoming his body, “I need to be here. I just, I can’t go home, not tonight.”

Liv nodded, “use the crib. I’ll be in my office if you need anything. And you’re not to follow any leads outside of this office, okay?” She gave him a stern look.

“Got it, Cap.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I didn't realize that this fic was constantly being marked as complete--although some of the reviews make much more sense now (this is my first multi-chapter fic on ao3 if that isn't clear haha)! I think I fixed it, but just for reference, there will be about 20+ chapters overall. Let me know if you are still seeing this as complete!

Barba didn’t sleep. He didn’t try. What had he done, god, what had he done?

He sat on the edge of his bed, his head racing and his heart pounding. He wanted to walk out of the room, to go talk to Sonny, to explain, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t move, fear froze him in place. He had been thinking of this, dreaming of this, for months. 

But now, Sonny kissed him.

He didn’t know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but it seemed like he was no longer in control of his own body. 

He wanted to kiss Sonny back, he should have kissed Sonny back, but he had frozen, and that familiar fear had gripped his chest. The only thing he could do was leave. 

He felt like he was suffocating in his room, it was too small, but Sonny was out there, just beyond his door, and he didn’t know if he could face him. He wanted to, but he knew he would stutter and blush and falter, and he didn’t want Sonny to see that. He didn’t want Sonny to see what a mess he was.

And then Barba could hear voices. They were quiet, hushed, but when he listened closely he recognized Rollins’. He could hear creaks on the floor, he imagined Sonny pacing. He imagined Sonny telling her how horrible he was, how he had no heart.

Something he had been told over and over again.

And then the front door closed again and it was quiet. He didn’t know who was in his living room, Rollins or Carisi, and he didn’t know which he would prefer. He laid back against his mattress, wishing it would just absorb him.

Wishing that he were hollow.

He was restless for the rest of the night. Tossing and turning, never getting more than a few minutes of sleep at a time. And when morning came, the soft light beginning to cast into his room, he knew he had to get up. And so he did, he took a shower, brushed his teeth, put on a suit. He did everything he usually did, because he had to, because there was nothing else to do. 

He stood in front of his own door and held his breath. He rested his hand on the doorknob for a moment before mustering up the courage to turn it. He walked into the hall, his face neutral, and entered the living room.

“Mornin’, Counselor,” Rollins looked up from her phone. She was sitting on the couch, already dressed for work, with a bag by her feet.

“Good morning Detective,” his voice was low and weary. He picked up his briefcase from the side table and when he looked up Rollins was looking at him. “Should we go?”

“Sure thing,” Amanda stood and grabbed her bag, “how’d you sleep?” She asked as she opened the door and checked the hall before allowing Barba to exit behind her.

“Fine,” he said, even though they both knew he was lying. 

Rollins lead the way to the car in the garage. They got in and Amanda pulled into the street. After a few minutes of driving in silence through the early morning, Rollins spoke.

“Look,” she said, “it’s probably none of my business, but Sonny’s a good guy. You don’t have to feel the way he does, hell, you don’t even have to like him, just try not to hurt him.”

Barba turned to look out the window, saying nothing. He did like Sonny that way, but he had already hurt him. He couldn’t get the look of shock and embarrassment and pain that had shot past Carisi’s face the night before. He wished he had never caused that. He wanted to make it right, but didn’t know how.

He stayed lost in his own thoughts until Rollins parked by the courthouse and they walked to his office together. Barba sat in his desk, but could feel Amanda’s eyes on him. He tried to ignore her, tried to ignore the gnawing guilt, as he flipped through pointless casefiles. The DA had taken him off his major cases until the threats against him stopped. Turns out they didn’t want an ADA dying during the middle of an important trial.

So he filled out paperwork and caught up on decisions he hadn’t had time to read. 

But there, in the back of his mind, was Sonny. 

XXX

Carisi had managed a few hours of sleep once the sun had risen and the squadroom was no longer silent. He had caught Fin up on what he had found overnight and headed for the crib. In the dark room he was finally able to release all of the tension in his body and fall into a dreamless sleep. 

When he woke there was a blanket laying across him. He checked his phone and stood, he used his reflection to fix his mussed hair. Once he was back in the squad room Finn gave him a rundown and he stopped by the Captain’s office. 

“Hey, Cap,” he said, “I’m gonna go relieve Rollins.”

Olivia looked up and adjusted her glasses, “okay,” she nodded.

When Sonny got to Barba’s office he knocked on the door and announced himself, waiting for Amanda to open it. 

“You sure you wanna do this?” She asked, “‘cause I can stay.”

“I’m good,” he grunted.

“Okay,” she nodded and opened the door farther to let him in. 

Carisi walked in and saw Barba sitting at his desk with a file open in front of him. He glanced up for a moment before returning to his work. 

“Call me if you need anything,” Rollins pulled Sonny’s gaze back to her.

“Got it,” he said.

Amanda gave him a smile before she left the office and closed the door behind her.

Sonny walked over to the couch and sat, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. God, it hurt so much to be here, to see Barba sitting there. But he had to, he had to make it work, because he had destroyed their friendship, if there had ever been one to begin with, and now all he had to grasp onto was what remained of their professional relationship. 

He couldn’t close his eyes without Rafael’s rejection repeating over and over behind his closed lids. And the shame of how wrong he had been filled him, how he could have been so stupid to think that this cultured, intelligent, successful man would ever be interested in him. 

Sonny looked up and saw that Rafael was looking at him.

“Sonny...” he began.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Carisi said without letting Barba finish, “I promise it won’t happen again.”

Sonny could see a pained look cross Rafael’s face. 

“Sonny,” Barba repeated, rising from his seat and walking toward him.

And Sonny’s heart began to race, because even now, Rafael saying his name made his blood rush. 

Barba stopped in front of him, looking down at the younger man with his brows drawn together and his gaze serious, “can I sit?”

“‘Course,” Carisi tried to smile.

Barba sat down and stared at his hands, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s my fault–”

“No,” Barba said, finally turning to look at him, “I’m sorry. I was scared, I was...”

Carisi watched Barba as he trailed off. His eyes were filled with pain. And all Sonny wanted to do was take that pain away, it didn’t matter that his own heart was breaking, “I shouldn’t have put you in that position, Counselor.”

Barba shook his head, “I wish I had kissed you back.”

Sonny froze, “what?” He barely managed to squeak out. 

“I could never imagine that you would want me, I’m old and cranky and can be a pretentious ass on my best days. But when you did... when you did I panicked. I’m sorry for hurting you Sonny, that was never my intention.” 

“So you, uh,” Carisi cleared his throat, “you’re saying?”

“If you still want to,” Rafael took a deep breath and let it out with a smile, “if you still want to I’d like to give this a chance. Give us a chance.”

Sonny’s whole face seemed to light up, “you’re serious?” 

“Have you ever known me to joke, Detective?”

“I guess that depends on whether sarcasm counts,” Sonny gave a crooked grin that filled Rafael with warmth. 

“Well I can tell you that this time I am quite serious.”

Rafael leaned forward and brought his lips against Sonny’s, he could feel their warmth radiate out. As they kissed, Rafael brought a hand up to Sonny’s jaw bone and held it there. Carisi tangled his hand in Rafael’s hair and pulled him closer. 

Rafael pulled back for air and rested his forehead against Sonny’s. Sonny’s breaths were short and quick as he tried to pull oxygen into his body. 

They stayed like that and Rafael couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face.


	10. Chapter 10

The sharp ring of Sonny’s phone filled the office and he pulled away from Rafael.

“Carisi,” he answered.

Barba turned to look at the other man as he spoke on the phone. He noticed the soft flush of his cheeks and and the slight crease that appeared between his eyebrows. He noticed all the little things he had missed in stolen glances.

When Sonny hung up Barba wanted to take him in his arms, he wanted to save their moment of bliss for just a moment longer, but he could see from the other man’s expression that it was time to work.

“Liv wants us at the station,” Carisi relayed.

Barba nodded and stood. He grabbed his coat that had been draped across the armrest and put it on. When he looked over, he saw that Carisi was still standing there, phone in hand, with a goofy grin on his face.

“What?” Barba demanded.

“Nothin’,” Carisi laughed. He took Barba’s hand in his and pulled him close. He placed a kiss on Rafael’s forehead and smiled, “you’re just cute.”

Barba scowled, “none of this in front of the squad.”

“Got it, Counselor,” Sonny let go of his hand, “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.”

Barba groaned, “I guess there’s a first time for everything.” 

XXX

When Barba and Carisi arrived in the squad room they found Olivia, Amanda, and Alex in Liv’s office. They walked in and Carisi shut the door behind them at Olivia’s request. 

“How are you holding up Barba?” Olivia asked.

“I’m fine,” he nodded at her, “were you able to make a deal with Francis?” He turned to look at Alex. 

She nodded, “Francis is in protective custody as we speak. I managed to get a judge to sign off on his niece’s release, but my ass is on the line if she escapes.” 

“Fin’s on his way to Rikers to pick her up now,” Olivia explained, “once they’re both safe, Francis will give up the people who have ordered the threats against Barba.”

“Anything we can do, Cap?” Carisi asked from his position beside Barba. 

“Keep up the protection on Barba,” she said, “and keep working the Rikers angle. I saw the work you did last night, the more we know about their reach within the department and the DA’s office, the better prepared we’ll be.” 

“On it,” he nodded. Rollins, Carisi, and Barba left the room, allowing Liv and Alex to continue talking. Once they were far enough from her office, Barba rested his hand just above Sonny’s elbow.

“Let’s stay here,” he said quietly, “you can get your work done and I can have an endless supply of horrible coffee.”

“You sure?” Carisi asked, “cuz your office has gotta be much more comfortable than the squad room. Plus, you know, you have decent coffee there.”

“I’m sure,” Barba confirmed. He drop his hand and turned to walk over to the pot of coffee sitting on the counter behind him. 

Sonny bit back a smile as he watched Barba bee-line it to the coffee and pour himself a mug. The face he made when he took a sip was almost too much, and Carisi had to stifle a laugh. “I tried to warn you.”

Barba forced down another gulp, “caffeine is caffeine.”

Carisi shook his head, “let me find you a desk,” he walked over to a desk and moved a few folders around

“Isn’t that Fin’s?” Barba asked.

Carisi shrugged, “he’ll live.”

Rafael topped off his coffee and sat in Fin’s chair. He took out a file from his briefcase and opened it. He was reading through case law when Rollins got Carisi’s attention. She gestured for him to join her at the edge of the squad room.

Carisi walked over and positioned himself so he could keep an eye on Barba as they spoke. 

“You two work things out?” She asked, brows raised high.

Carisi bit back a smile, “you could say that.”

Amanda smiled, “are you guys... together...?”

Sonny knew he probably shouldn’t tell her, but he was bursting to share the news, “yeah,” he said in whispered excitement, “but you can’t tell anyone. We’re gonna tell the Cap, just, after things have died down a bit.”

“Good for you, Carisi,” Amanda said, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

XXX

Olivia and Alex were discussing the case when her phone rang. She picked it up and Fin was on the other end. 

“I’m at Rikers, but they won’t give me Miranda. They claim she’s in solitary, that they found drugs on her.”

“Damn it,” Benson swore, “stay there, I’m going to try to get this figured out. I’ll call you soon.”

“Got it, Cap.”

Olivia hung up and turned to Alex, “we’ve got a problem.” She relayed the information she had gotten from Fin and Alex listened closely. 

“Let me make a few calls,” Alex said, “but if they found drugs I’m not sure how much leverage I’ll have. Getting her out was hard enough to begin with.”

“Come on, Alex,” Olivia pressed, “they put her in solitary so we couldn’t get to her. My detectives go and talk to her and the next day the guards find drugs? It’s not a coincidence, they’re setting her up.”

“But unless we can prove it, that’s going to be a hard case to sell.” 

“We need to get her out of there, Alex. Without her we have nothing.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Liv,” Alex pulled out her phone and began to dial. She stood and paced in the small office while she argued with someone on the other line. She hung up and dialed again, holding another heated discussion.

Olivia followed Alex’s pacing with her eyes. If they lost Miranda, their case was gone, they would have no way to identify who was threatening Barba. And if they put her in solitary to keep her from getting out, Benson didn’t doubt they’d do something more drastic if they felt SVU closing in. 

Alex hung up again and turned back to Olivia, “I’m getting an emergency order for her release. I’ll need to go down to Rikers, but I doubt she’ll be processed until morning,” Alex said.

“What’s to keep them from killing her?” Olivia ran her hand through her hair, “we know what these guys are capable of.”

“The DA’s putting pressure on the warden,” Alex said, “I’m going to get the signed order and bring it there. We have to hope they won’t do anything with an ADA there.”

“I hope you’re right,” Benson mumbled.

“Liv,” Alex sat in the seat across from her, “there’s nothing that you can do while she’s there. This is the DAs job now.”

Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose, “if we lose her...”

“We won’t,” Alex said with the air of confidence Olivia had grown used to after their years of working together. 

Benson nodded, trying to believe her. 

“Now,” Alex said as she stood, “I’m going to get the order of release signed and go to Rikers. Why don’t you bring Detective Tutuola back, there’s nothing for him to do there.”

“He can stay–” Benson began.

“I don’t need a babysitter, Olivia,” Cabot replied, “and more importantly, you need him here.”

Benson debated with herself for a moment before sighing, “call me when she’s released, I’ll send someone to help with the transfer.”

Alex nodded and picked up her briefcase. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled and left the office.

Olivia leaned back in her chair and took a breath. Then she called Fin and ordered him back to the station. Once the phone was back on her desk, she looked out into the squad room, Carisi was at his desk, alternating between his computer screen and writing on a piece of paper. Rollins was looking through her computer as well, but every few minutes a yawn would escape her. And Barba was chugging coffee like his life depended on it. 

She stood up and walked out of her office. It was nearing seven and their was a sense of frenzy in her squad. They all wanted to close this case and they each felt the unease of the threat growing larger with each passing moment that they didn’t. But if they stayed like this until morning, they would all be too sleep deprived to work.

“Rollins,” Olivia said, “take Barba home. Use one of our cars. Carisi will relieve you in a few hours.”

“But Cap–” Amanda started.

“That’s an order,” Benson said, “and when Carisi gets there, go home. Go be with your daughter.”

As Benson watched Rafael and Amanda gather their things to leave, she could feel the case beginning to crumble right in front of her. She prayed to god they could close it before that happened.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend :)

It was nearing ten when Benson sent Carisi to go relieve Rollins. He said goodnight to Fin who was still at his desk working, grabbed his bag and jacket, and left the squadroom. The air was crisp outside and there was a breeze that blew Sonny’s hair across his face. He pulled out his cell as he walked toward the street and called Rollins.

“Hey Amanda,” he greeted her, “I’m on my way to Barba’s, you mind if I stop and grab some take out?”

“As long as you bring me something,” she said, “Barba’s got nothin’ to eat here.”

Carisi started down the sidewalk, there was a good Greek place a few blocks from the department that he had promised Raf he’d get him sometime. “Yeah, we’re gonna have to work on that,” he laughed. 

“Good luck,” Carisi could hear the smile in Rollin’s voice.

“See you in a bit,” Carisi hung up and stuffed his phone back in his jacket pocket. He let himself appreciate the Manhattan night, it had been awhile since he had walked through the city off duty. As he walked, his mind wandered to Barba. Rafael. Raf. He couldn’t wait to get back to see him. To spend time with him. 

Sonny vowed to take it slow, he may be spending the night at Rafael’s, but it was just part of the job. Later, when this nightmare was behind them, he wanted to take Barba out for a proper date. Dinner, drinks, the whole works. 

As he neared the Greek restaurant that was tucked in-between two large brick buildings, he brushed his hair away from his face. The host greeted him, they knew him by name here, probably due to the number of times Sonny came to get their, what he considered, world famous Gyros. He placed his order at the front, ordering enough food for six, and sat down while he waited for it to be made. 

It was slow that time of night, and he barely had time to read through his emails when his name was called and he was handed a large bag of food. Sonny took it with a smile and a “goodnight” and walked out onto the street, hoping to hail a taxi.

He walked down the sidewalk, deciding that if he didn’t see a taxi soon he’d just have to call for a car. He had just taken out his phone when he heard his name.

“Sonny!”

It came from behind him. He turned, his phone in one hand and bag of food in the other, and had just enough time to drop the food to the ground when a shot sounded and he fell back onto the sidewalk. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his chest stopped him. He looked around, frantic, looking for help, looking for the shooter.

A face appeared above him, but then all Sonny could see was the gun. The gun in his hand, the gun pointed at him, he tried to talk, tried to reason, but his words bubbled in his throat. He tried to reach for his own gun, but then there was a crunch and he couldn’t move his hand, but it was hot, hot with pain and blood. 

“Your boyfriend’s next,” his voice was deep and hollow. He fired the gun again and then he was gone.

Sonny gasped for breath. It was pain like he had never felt, he tried to move, tried to do something. His right hand was useless, so he blindly reached with his left. When he felt something cold in his hand he knew it was his phone, he must have gone down with it. He prayed to god it wasn’t broken and lifted his head just enough to hit redial.

The phone rang and rang and he tried so hard to breathe. His chest was heavy and the pain was sharp and his head was getting fuzzy. And everything was fast but slow and he didn’t know how time was really moving.

When he finally heard the familiar voice he coughed up a word, unintelligible to anyone. 

“Carisi?” Amanda’s voice was sharp from the speaker, “what happened, where are you?”

“Get him,” Carisi managed, “out.” He fought for air and the phone almost slipped from his blood slicked hand, “they’re coming. Get out. Raf. Keep. Safe.”

He tried to say more, but he couldn’t. He dropped his hand, the phone falling to the sidewalk. He could hear voices, voices, people. They were above him. The lights were fuzzy.

Everything was fuzzy. 

XXX

Benson sat at her desk, contemplating whether she should keep working or go home. Noah would be asleep by now, and the sitter knew she might be gone all night. And despite what she told her detectives, she just didn’t feel right leaving when Barba’s life was in danger. For all the times he had gone to bat for her, she felt the pull to stay, to keep working. But she knew, deep down, that there was little she could do until Miranda was released from Rikers. 

With a sigh she stood and picked up her coat and bag. She turned off the lights to her office on the way out and shut the door. 

“Let’s call it a night, Fin,” she said to her detective who was still working at his desk, “get some sleep, we’ll need fresh eyes in the morning.”

“You sure, Liv? I don’t mind staying.”

“Come on,” she said, patting his shoulder, “even you need your beauty rest.”

Fin got up and Liv waited for him to gather his things. They walked out of the squadroom together and it was quiet. They took the elevator down and just as they stepped out Benson’s cell rang.

“Liv, Carisi’s hurt,” Amanda said the second she answered. 

Olivia could hear the urgency in Rollins’ voice. “Where is he?” She asked.

“I don’t know, he called sayin’ he was on his way and was gonna stop for take out. Then a second ago he called again sayin’ they were after Barba and I’ve gotta get him out. He didn’t sound good, Cap.” Rollins spoke fast and her words began to tumble into each other. 

“Any idea where he was?” Benson began to run, out of the building and onto the street. Fin followed close behind, hearing enough of the conversation to know that something bad had happened.

Olivia could hear Rollins talking to Barba and then she came back on the line.

“He mentioned a Greek place two blocks east from the station.”

“Get Barba out of there, take him somewhere safe, don’t tell anyone where you’re going. I’ll call when I can.” She waited for Amanda’s confirmation and then hung up, running in the direction the other woman had indicated.

Fin followed and it wasn’t long until they saw flashing lights ahead of them. Liv sprinted, she pulled her badge from her belt and held it above her head, running past the uniforms blocking off the small crowd that had formed, “SVU,” she shouted.

And then she saw the EMT’s load Sonny onto a stretcher. His shirt was soaked in blood and they had put an oxygen mask over his mouth. 

“Carisi,” she shouted, getting as near to the stretcher as she could, “who did this?” 

Sonny tried to find her with his eyes, he blinked and groaned.

“We gotta go,” one of the EMT’s said as they lifted him into the back of the ambulance.

“Meet us at the hospital, I’m riding with,” she shouted toward Fin as she got in the back of the ambulance and the doors were shut.

“He’s an SVU detective,” she said, again trying to get close enough to speak with him. “Who did this?” She pressed. 

This time he met her eyes, he lifted his hand and tried to pull the face mask away, but couldn’t get a grip on it. He tried again, dislodging it enough to speak, “after him,” he gasped.

“We’ve got him protected, Sonny, but who did this? Do you know who shot you?”

“They knew,” he coughed.

“What did they know?” Liv took his hand in hers.

“They... knew...” his eyes closed, “me... and... Raf...”

The EMT pushed her out of the way and began to work on him. Olivia sat there and stared at the blood on her hands. Stared at Carisi’s bloody and broken body. She had spent so much time worrying about Barba’s safety, how had she not thought of her own squad? How had she not done more to protect them? 

“it’s gonna be okay, Sonny,” she whispered, trying to believe it was true.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being the worst about updating... my bad. I will improve!

“So,” Rollins walked through Barba’s living room, “how was your day, Counselor?” There was a lilt to her voice and a slight smirk on her face. They had arrived from the squadroom just minutes ago and Barba had already made himself comfortable in his armchair with a cup of strong coffee. 

Barba eyed her carefully from his seat, tracking her movement, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just bein’ friendly.”

“I doubt that,” he took a sip from his coffee, looking at Amanda over the mug.

Rollins walked over to Barba’s bookshelf and looked through it. She pulled one out and read the back, returning it to its place when she saw it was about law. She took out another book, flipping through the pages.   
“Don’t you have something better to do than go through my things?” Barba looked up in exasperation. 

“Just trying to pass the time,” Rollins pulled out another book, “we could talk instead.”

“What’re you dancing around, Detective?”

“You and Sonny seem to be getting on better today,” she walked away from the bookshelf, her back to Barba, hiding the smile on her face. 

Barba paused with his mug in hand. He contemplated what to say, however he was fairly sure Rollins already knew about him and Sonny. She was fishing though, trying to get him to say it himself. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want the squad to know, but they had to go about this the right way. They would need to disclose to Liv and the DA. From there they’d have to figure things out, they could do it, but now wasn’t the time, not when he had a target on his back. 

Amanda’s phone rang and Barba didn’t think much of it until he heard Amanda speak.

“Carisi?” Her voice was sharp, “what happened, where are you?”

Barba’s head shot up, every muscle stiffened in his body. He stood quickly and hurried over to her. 

“Carisi? Carisi?” Amanda was nearly shouting into the phone, “talk to me!”

“What’s going on?” Barba asked, urgent. His heart pounded and his head spun as he tried to focus on Amanda’s words, tried to understand what was happening. 

Amanda ended the call after repeating Carisi’s name to no avail. She dialed and held the phone to her ear, ignoring Barba’s increasingly frantic questions. 

“Liv, Carisi’s hurt,” Amanda said into the phone.

Barba’s thoughts began to spiral. 

“Barba. Counselor,” Rollins put a hand on Barba’s shoulder to pull him out of his daze, “did Carisi mention where he was picking up food tonight?”

“Uh,” Barba thought, he tried to control his thoughts, tried to remember what Sonny had said to him earlier, tried to remember, tried to remember, anything important, where was he. 

“Barba!”

Rafael shook his head quickly, “there was a, a Greek restaurant he talked about. Down the road, near, uh, the convenience store on the corner of 5th.”

Rollins grabbed her bag as she relayed the information to Benson. She hung up and stuffed her phone in her back pocket. “Come on,” 

Barba tried to protest, tried to figure out what was happening. 

“Go,” Amanda said, ignoring him again. 

Barba faltered back and grabbed his briefcase that was rested on the chair beside him, slipping his phone in his pocket. He was back at Rollins’ side in a moment.

“Let’s go,” she said, placing her left hand on Barba’s back and her right positioned over her gun. She pushed him out the door after checking the hall and led him to the stairwell. “Come on,” Amanda gestured forward, and Barba kept pace a step behind her. 

When they arrived in the garage, Barba’s head was still spinning, and he allowed himself to be pushed into an SUV. 

Rollins started the car and peeled out of the parking garage, she took a sharp left and checked her rearview mirror as she switched lanes. 

“Rollins, I swear to God, if you don’t talk to me–”

Amanda took a sharp right, “I’ve gotta get you somewhere safe,” she said. 

“What happened to Sonny?”

She said nothing and glanced at the mirrors again. She turned off the Manhattan streets and into a neighborhood. They drove through the curving roads until finally pulling into a long driveway.

“Out,” she ordered, she turned off the car and jumped out. She met Barba in front of the car, again pushing him forward with a hand on his shoulder. Amanda pounded on the door, “It’s Rollins,” she shouted. 

A light flickered on inside the house and the door opened. Rollins nearly shoved Barba forward and followed close behind him. She closed the door and locked it, “grab your gun.”

A few moments later, Munch returned, gun in hand, “wanna tell me what this is about?” He asked, facing Rollins and Barba.

“Figured you’d have the best safehouse in town.”

XXX

Benson was left standing bloody in the ER as Sonny was wheeled away for surgery. Everyone seemed to rush around her as she stared down at her hands. Her detective had been shot on her watch, and it had been bad. Two gunshot wounds to the chest. She couldn’t stop thinking about how much blood there had been, how Carisi had struggled for words. She thought of what he kept repeating: “they know”. 

But what did they know? Where Barba was? That Francis was involved? There were too many possibilities and now Carisi was in surgery and Olivia didn’t know. Because it had looked so bad, and the thought of losing another detective seemed to crush her. 

“Liv.” 

There was a hand on her shoulder and Benson spun around. She saw Fin, slightly out of breath, like he had just run through the hospital.

“How’s Carisi?” He asked.

Olivia shook her head, “I don’t know,” she said, “they just brought him into surgery.” She looked down at her stained hands.

“How’re you holding up?”

Benson took a breath and shook her head briefly, “I’m fine,” she said. And then she began to think and process everything that had happened in the past twenty minutes. Because it was her job to decide their next step, she had to figure out what to do.   
“Okay,” she took a breath, “I need to find Rollins and Barba, you stay here. I want you by Carisi’s side the second he’s out of surgery.”

“I got it covered, Liv.”

She nodded, still running the facts through her head. 

“Don’t worry about me,” Fin said, “you go take care of Barba.”

“Keep your gun and phone on you,” Benson ordered, “and keep me updated on his condition.”

After Fin assured her a second time that he could handle himself, he gave Liv the keys to the SVU he had driven, and she left the hospital. Once she was in the car she called Rollins.


	13. Chapter 13

Barba had never had a problem working under pressure. He could think clearly as his case was being torn apart in court. He could process new questions when a witness threw him a curveball. But right now he couldn’t think. Because it was Sonny. 

It was Sonny.

And something had happened to him.

Barba paced back and forth. His head was pounding, his thoughts were spiraling, but he couldn’t focus. 

“So, are you gonna tell me what this is all about?” 

Barba stopped walking and turned to look at Munch and Rollins who were talking together. Rollins met his eyes, “he’s helping us, he needs to know what’s going on.”

Barba sighed and gave a small nod before returning to his pacing. He walked and turned, walked and turned, walked and turned. He thought of Sonny in his office, of his warm lips, and Rafael wondered if that would be the last time he got to feel Sonny against him. 

The sharp ringing of Rollins’ cell phone broke through the fuzz in Barba’s head. He stared at her, not daring to breath, as Amanda spoke quietly. When she hung up Barba rushed toward her, “was that Liv? Did she say anything about Sonny?”

Amanda glanced at Barba for a moment before turning to look at Munch, “hey, John, could you get us something to drink?”

Munch nodded. He walked to the kitchen and left Amanda and Rafael alone in the living room.

“Amanda...”

“Liv is on her way,” Amanda said, “she’ll be here soon.”

“What about Sonny?” Barba pressed, his voice urgent.

Rollins looked down and the floor for a moment before meeting Barba’s eyes. She took a breath, “he’s in surgery.”

“Oh my god,” Barba brought his hand to his mouth and turned, trying to understand, trying to comprehend. Then he turned back to Amanda, “what happened?”

“He was shot,” she said quietly, “twice in the chest.”

Barba pulled in a sharp breath, “but he’s going to be okay, right? He has to be okay.”

“I don’t know, Barba, I’m sorry.”

Rafael could feel tears prick at his eyes, he turned away from Amanda. He tried to breathe, but each breath became more and more difficult. Because everything was spiraling out of control, everything was falling apart. And Sonny couldn’t die. He couldn’t. 

“If he hadn’t been on my security detail, if he hadn’t been,” his voice choked.

“This isn’t your fault, Counselor.”

“I need to go,” Barba turned, his eyes red, “I need to go.” He made a move toward the front door and Rollins stopped him.

“You can’t go, I know you want to, but you can’t.”

“Get out of my way,” Barba pushed past her.

“They’re looking for you Barba, you can’t leave this house.”

“I don’t– I don’t care, I need to see him.”

“Rafael,” Amanda spoke softly as she placed a hand on his arm, “I know how much you care about him, but if Sonny were here, he would not let you leave this house for anything. When he wakes up from surgery, when he does, he’ll kill me if I let anything happen to you.”

Barba stopped resisting and backed up against the wall, letting his head fall.

“I’m sorry,” Rollins said.

There was a sharp knock at the door and Rollins held a finger to her mouth to quiet Barba as she walked to the door with a hand on her gun. When she saw it was Benson, she opened the door and let her in. 

Barba looked up and froze when he saw the blood. The blood on her hands and her shirt. Sonny’s blood. Sonny’s blood. It covered her clothes and was still smeared across her arm. 

His throat constricted and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe because that was Sonny’s blood on her. That was Sonny’s blood. And he had been shot. He had been shot twice in the chest and he might not be okay. 

How could this have happened, how could Sonny not be okay. 

“Raf.”

He looked up and met Liv’s eyes. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He tried to breathe, taking a hitched breath as more tears fell. He tried to cover his face and then felt arms around him. Rafael’s breaths were short and rapid and he tried to control them, as he tried to control his emotions. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed out in shaky words. 

“It’s okay, Raf,” Liv said, her words firm, “it’s not your fault.”

Barba pulled out of her grasp and wiped his eyes, “how’d he look?”

Liv pursed her lips, “the doctors are doing their best,” she said finally.

Munch walked out of the kitchen and joined them in the hall, a single glass of water in his hand. He handed it to Barba. “Hey, Liv.”

“God, it’s good to see you,” Benson pulled him into a quick hug.

“I’m here for whatever you need,” he said, “consider me reinstated for the night.”

“Thank you,” she said, “come on,” she gestured at everyone, “let’s get out of the hall.”

When the four of them were back in the living room, Benson watched as Barba returned to pacing back and forth. 

“We’ve got state police staking out Barba’s apartment, we’re hoping whoever shot Carisi will show up there. Fin’s at the hospital and Cabot is at Rikers. We’re doing everything we can,” she looked at Barba, holding his gaze for a moment before he turned.

“I know,” he whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a quick update for you all :)

After a substantial amount of persuasion, Benson was able to get Barba to sit down on Munch’s couch and take a sip of water. She sat down next to him, “we’re going to keep you safe, Raf, you don’t have to worry about that,” she said. 

Rollins walked over to the pair when she saw that Benson’s words failed to assuage his fear. Of course they did, Benson was operating under the false assumption that Barba was worried about his own life. That he was even thinking about his own safety. 

“And you know what,” Amanda put a hand on his shoulder, something she would have never done in a normal situation, “Carisi’s got the best doctors helping him right now. He’s strong, we all know that. I bet he’ll be awake soon enough complaining that he didn’t get to eat his gyros.” She smiled and held Barba’s eyes for a moment, trying to reassure him.

Because that was her job, to reassure others even when her own mind was going over the possibility that Sonny could be dying right now. 

Benson looked between them before speaking again, “when I got to Carisi he kept repeating ‘they knew’ and then he said ‘me and Raf’.” Olivia looked at Barba whose complexion began to pale, “I couldn’t get him to say anymore,” Olivia continued, “any idea what he could have been trying to tell me?”

Barba turned his head slowly and made eye contact with Amanda, “do you think?” He asked, something like desperation in his voice.

“Maybe,” Amanda nodded. Although they had never directly spoken about it, Rollins knew she was the only person that Carisi had told. 

“What’s going on?” Benson pressed.

“He only told you,” Barba stated, his voice taking on a tinge of accusation as he glared at Rollins.

“I didn’t tell anyone, I swear.”

Barba’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Rollins, continuing to ignore Benson’s questions. Amanda was the only one who knew, and if he was right about what Sonny had been talking about, then the person who shot him had also known. And maybe in a normal situation he would have been able to look beyond that, analyze what was happening, but this wasn’t normal, and someone had shot Sonny. And right now he was looking at the only person who knew. 

“If you want me dead you’ve got a gun right there.” All he could hear was his own heart beating. 

He didn’t hear Rollins’ protests or Benson’s increasingly demanding questions. 

Instead he thought of the kiss that Sonny had placed on his forehead. Would that be the last time he felt Sonny’s lips? Would their one moment together be their only one?

And in that moment he wished he could do it all over again. That he could kiss Sonny back that night in his apartment. That he could hold him close and whisper into his ear. That he could feel Sonny’s body against his own, so he could memorize every aspect of him. His smell, his taste, every crease of his body. 

So that he could be the one on the other side of that gun.

But inevitably Sonny disappeared until all Rafael could feel was the lingering of where his lips had been.

“Rafael,” Benson’s words were sharp as she pulled him back into the present.

He turned to look at her, his eyes focusing. 

“Is what Amanda said true? Are you and Carisi together?”

“Yes,” he answered, and then added, “Rollins was the only one who knew.”

“You have to know I’m not involved in this!” She protested.

“Then how did they know?”

“Jesus, Barba! There’s no way I would hurt Sonny!”

“Okay, both of you, stop,” Benson commanded. 

They both paused and looked at her.

“Amanda, are you sure you didn’t say anything? A slip of the tongue maybe?”

“I’m positive,” she said.

Olivia nodded, “Barba, you’re sure Carisi didn’t tell anyone else about this?”

“Yes,” he said, “we agreed we weren’t going to tell anyone until we spoke to you and the DA.” 

“He only told me because we talked before the two of you...” Rollins trailed off.

“I know,” Barba sighed and slumped back against the couch. 

“Think about where you talked, or...” Benson paused for a moment, “could anyone have overheard you?”

“We were in my office,” Barba said.

Benson furrowed her brows, “we already swept that for bugs.”

“He told me in the squadroom,” Amanda said. 

“We need to check out the squadroom.”

Munch stood from where he had been sitting in the other corner of the living room, “I’ve got it,” he said, “I may or may not already have some equipment to sweep for bugs.”

“Of course you do,” Rollins rolled her eyes, but then she let out a half smile and added, “I’ll check security cameras.”

Benson hesitated, but then finally nodded, “stay together, take all possible precautions. I don’t want to end up with another detective in the hospital.”

“Got it, Cap,” Amanda nodded as she stood.

“We’ve got it covered, Liv,” Munch added.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many emotions...
> 
> I would love to hear from you

Barba didn’t like this, he didn’t like doing nothing, sitting still, being so damn useless. But he knew the second he tried to make his way to the door, Olivia would stop him. And he knew she was right, of course she was, but it didn’t make sitting on Munch’s couch and staring at his hands any easier and it didn’t make each second that passed by without an update any faster. 

Because if Barba knew his life was the only one at risk, he would’ve been out that door the second he knew where Sonny was, and the selfish part of him wished he could do that. But he couldn’t, because it wasn’t only his life, it was Liv’s and Rollins’ and Munch’s too. 

“Rafael,” Olivia turned sideways on the couch to face him, “why didn’t you talk to me about this?”

“You’re his boss, Liv,” he looked at her, “and then everything happened,” he shook his head. 

A moment passed in silence. “I always knew he liked you,” Liv smiled.

“Really?” Barba’s face turned quizzical, a rare feature on him. 

She let out a small laugh, “he was never great at hiding it, although he sure did try. You on the other hand,” she raised a brow at him.

“Yeah, I know.”

Benson propped her elbow against the back of the couch and leaned her head against her hand. “You never talked much about relationships,” she said, not a question, merely a statement. 

Barba looked away and locked his eyes on the lamp across the room, “In my experience it’s best to keep those things to myself.”

“I’m sorry Raf, we don’t have to talk about it, I just want you to know that this doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t change how I think of you.”

“So you still think I’m a pain in the ass?” Barba gave her a sideways glance.

“On a good day,” she smiled.

Barba sighed and leaned back against the couch, “do you think he’s gonna be okay, Liv?”

“I hope so, Raf.”

Barba looked down to the blood that had dried against her skin and clothes, “how do you do it?” He asked. “People get shot and they die. How can you keep coming back to this?”

“The truth is, I’m not sure anymore,” she shook her head, “I just come in everyday and try to do my best. On the days where that’s not enough, I think about leaving. I could take Noah and we could travel, go somewhere that doesn’t seem so full of monsters.”

“So what keeps you here?”

“I get to save people,” she said, “I listen to them recount the most horrific things that have happened to them and I get to make sure they are heard. For me that makes everything else worth it.”

“If Sonny doesn’t...” Barba trailed off, “how do I go back into a courtroom and pretend it’s enough to try these bastards?”

“Sometimes you can’t, but that’s the job,” she tilted her head, “and it can either make you better or it can break you.”

Barba massaged his temples and tried to stave off the headache that was beginning to form. 

“And, Raf,” Liv put a hand on his shoulder, “it’s okay to walk away. I know it feels like it, but this job isn’t everything.” 

“If I’m not an ADA then I don’t know what I am.”

“You’re Rafael Barba,” Olivia smiled, “you’re cranky, sarcastic, and pretty much the most caffeine addicted man I’ve ever met.”

Barba looked at her and could tell she was trying to make him smile. He tried, for her benefit. Then he looked across the room and sighed, “I’m sorry, Liv. He’s your detective and I just...”

“You love him, Raf.”

Barba turned his head quickly and looked at her.

“I can tell.” Her eyes were soft and kind. 

“I–” he started, but words failed him. Because it was true, of course it was true. However much he tried to bury the feelings or deny the truth, he loved Sonny. 

And this, right here, was why he didn’t get attached. Why he had pushed away his feelings for so long. Because the pain was so deep in his chest he felt like it would never stop. All his life he had avoided this, avoided this feeling. 

“They shot him because of me,” he said finally, bringing his head down and holding it in his hands. 

“Raf...” Olivia rested her hand on his back and could feel his breaths become irregular.

“I hurt him, Liv. All I can see is the pain in his eyes, I caused that.” He tried to even his breathing, steady his emotions, because he didn’t want to break down. Right now all he had was the illusion of control. But the illusion only lasted until he reached out for it and felt it disappear between his fingertips. 

He almost didn’t expect the tears that formed as he sat there, his face covered by his hands. It was such a foreign feeling, the sting in his eyes and the path of tears down his rough face. He had tried to keep control, but he had failed. He had failed in so many ways. 

He had failed Sonny. 

And finally Rafael let himself feel the pain, the ripping of his chest and the complete and utter hopelessness that encased him. He let himself feel without pushing it down, without trying to control. He had never loved anyone like he loved Sonny, he had never cared for anyone in that way, and the pain he felt was unparalleled. 

The tears tore from deep within him and he gasped for breath. He didn’t feel Liv’s arms around him and he didn’t hear her words of comfort. Instead he was consumed with thoughts of Sonny. Every moment they’d had together. Everything that was being ripped away. 

Sonny was a good man, he didn’t deserve this. 

And Rafael prayed to the God that Sonny held so dearly that he would be okay. 

He would give anything, he would give everything, for Sonny to survive. 

He leaned into Liv’s body and finally felt her there. He could feel how close she held him and he noticed how she continued to speak, her voice low and soothing. 

And when he turned to look at her, he saw that she too was in tears.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to add a Cabot chapter because she is amazing

Barba wasn’t sure how long he allowed himself to be held, to be comforted, but when he heard Liv’s phone ring he became acutely aware of where he was and what was happening. He felt Olivia shift beside him and he moved away, creating a gap between them on the couch. He wiped his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He had lost it, he had lost the very thin grip he had had on himself, but now it was time to get it back. 

So he focused himself, much in the same way he would before court, and he listened to Liv’s side of the phone conversation. She didn’t say much, but he could sense from her tone that something had happened. Barba let himself hope for just a fraction of a second that Rollins and Munch had found something before catching himself and pushing the hope aside.

“Wait for backup,” Benson said emphatically before hanging up.

Barba looked over at her, his face set in stone, refusing to allow the hope that had momentarily overtaken him to return. “What did they find?” He asked.

“They identified an officer who was within the vicinity of Rollins and Carisi when they spoke. Amanda looked him up and he has a sister in Rikers.”

Barba nodded, slow and controlled, “what’s next.”

“They’re meeting up with state police to bring him in. I need to call Alex.”

Barba stood and began to pace again, this time to clear his mind, to allow himself to think. He continued until Benson hung up and put her phone away for the second time.

“Miranda will be released within the hour,” she said with a nod, “Alex is working on getting Veronica out as well.”

“You should be there,” Barba told her. 

“I’m staying where I’m at.”

“You’ve got another ADA to protect, Liv.” 

“I’ve got that covered,” she promised, “nothing is going to happen to either of you.”

XXX

Alex sat on the hard bench she had been shown to over four hours ago. Her legs were crossed and her black heels moved as she tapped her foot in the air. The corrections officers that had met her at the door when she had arrived that afternoon had told her to come back in the morning, he nearly pushed her out of the door when the warden had come and informed him she could stay. 

So she sat on the hard bench staring at the blank wall and listening to the faraway sounds of jail life. She had spent time on her phone, calling judges and DAs, trying to pull strings, but was told the same thing over and over again, she would have to wait. 

So instead she had reviewed the files Liv had given her and started to organize her case. But two hours in her mind had begun to wander. The dull and flickering lights above were starting to give her a headache. 

She had been in Rikers countless times before, most often to make deals with defendants. This place had a feeling, one she was usually able to push aside when she had a job to do, but right now it seemed to encase her. It was a feeling of hopelessness. It pulled her in.

She remembered the last time she had felt like this. When she had gotten into that SUV, sure that it was the last time she would see Olivia or Elliot. When they drove away leaving the lights of New York behind. When what was supposed to be her safehouse became her prison. 

Footsteps to her right jolted her back into the present and she looked up, alarmed to see that one of the guards she had spoken to earlier had stopped by her side. 

“Got your prisoner for you,” he growled. His hair was cut short and his stomach hung over his belt. He sounded like a heavy smoker, which was confirmed when Alex stood and was met with the stale smell of cigarettes. She picked up her bag from where it had been resting beside her and turned to face him. 

“You know,” he took a step forward that forced Alex back toward the wall, “if you knew what was good for you you’d keep that bitch in jail where she belongs.”

“Is that a threat?” Alex asked with a tilt of her head and a narrowing of her eyes. 

“Just some friendly advice. Wouldn’t want anything happening to you, you’re too pretty for that.”

“You need to take me to Miranda now,” she sidestepped the large man and began to walk down the hall. She kept her steps paced, she didn’t want him to see the rush of adrenaline that was coursing through her body. 

But when she felt his meaty hand on her shoulder, squeezing it, she froze. And in that moment a million thoughts ran through her head. 

The hall was abandoned. 

They were surrounded by corrections officers, god knew how many were involved in this. 

Liv wasn’t expecting her back any time soon.

“I guess you’ll need some convincing.” The grip on her shoulder tightened and when Alex tried to pull away he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her back with enough force to rip the hair from her scalp. 

Alex fought, but his hands were too big and too strong. He gripped her wrists and began to pull her down the hall. She screamed and pulled back. Fought with everything she had to get away.

“Ain’t nobody coming for you, baby,” he laughed.

He pulled her fighting body toward a door on the right side of the hall, and when he turned his head Alex brought the heel on her shoe down into his foot with as much force as she could muster. She barely heard his yelp as her wrists were released and she ran down the hall. She pulled out her phone and tried to get Liv’s number right, but her fingers fumbled, hitting wrong buttons. She rounded the corner and chanced a look back. He wasn’t there.

“Alex!” A familiar voice called to her.

Alex looked forward just in time to avoid running into Stabler. 

He put out his arms and steadied her. Her breathing was quick and her eyes were wide and frantic. 

“What happened?”

She looked back again, the hall still clear. She ran her hand through her hair, trying to take that moment to collect herself. “We need to get Miranda out of here,” she said, “now.”

“Okay,” Stabler nodded, “let’s go.”

They continued down the hall. Alex’s breaths were still short as she tried to process what had just happened. “How’d you get here?” She glanced at Elliot beside her.

“Liv called,” he said in a voice that was so familiar to Cabot but somehow so far in her past, “and I managed to keep a friend or two over the years that got me in here without a badge.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said, looking down to see her blood smeared on her hand, “but I should warn you, these guys aren’t messing around.”

“Liv gave me the rundown. I’m a little short on details, but my best guess is that we took a step into Munch’s mind and found ourselves in the middle of a conspiracy.”

“It does sound like that, doesn’t it...” Alex trailed off as they approached the processing area of the jail. The same man she had spoken to over four hours ago was still sitting there, magazine in hand and feet propped up on his desk. 

“Officer Turner,” she said.

He made sure to lazily flip through a few pages before finally looking up at her, “what?”

“What’s the status on Miranda Frances.”

“Like I said, you’ll have to wait.” 

“No,” Alex said, she stepped up to his desk and pulled the magazine from his hand, “you’ll go find her now, and when you get your ass back here she better be with you.”

He glared at her but didn’t move.

“You really wanna piss off an assistant district attorney?” She asked, her own eyes narrowing, “because I’ll make sure you never get a job in law enforcement again.”

His face morphed, as though he was trying to determine whether or not she had that power. Ultimately he stood, but he was languid in his motions. “I’ll be back,” he muttered. 

When he was finally gone Alex let out a sigh. She was only allowed a moment of peace before her phone rang, echoing through the long halls. She answered and it was Benson on the other line. She glanced up at Stabler as she spoke on the phone, her face falling. When she finally hung up she tightened her eyes shut for just a moment before opening them and nodding.

“We have to get someone else out,” she said, feeling the impossibility of their new task weighing on her, “Veronica McNey, her brother is NYPD.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you a happy Sunday!

Rollins leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, “we can take this as slow as you need, Veronica, but I promise you those men will never hurt you again.”

The woman sitting on the couch kitty corner to Amanda’s chair was young, barely twenty, with long dirty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She barely looked at Rollins, wouldn’t make eye contact, and was rocking slowly back and forth. 

“I notice you have some bruises,” Rollins looked at the marks around the young woman’s wrists. She was positive they were from a hand. A hand wrapping around her skinny wrists to hold her in place. “How did you get those?” 

Veronica pulled her arms tightly against her chest and continued to rock. 

Rollins sighed, looking at the young woman and trying to decide how to proceed. How could she get her to trust her enough to talk? Especially when her attacker had been a Rikers guard? 

There was a knock at the interview room door and Amanda stood. When she opened it Liv was on the other side with Richard McNey, the man she and Munch had just picked up and Veronica’s older brother by almost 6 years. 

“Has she said anything yet?” Benson asked.

Rollins shook her head. 

“Let me go in there,” McNey said, “I can talk to her.” 

Before either of them could say a word, Richard had pushed past Amanda and walked into the room. Veronica looked up, her eyes immediately locking on her brother.

“Roni,” McNey said as he pulled her into a hug, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said, tears now streaking down her face.

“I shoulda protected you,” he continued, his own voice shaking.

“You did your best.”

When they finally pulled out of the hug they both sat down on the couch. “I talked to the prosecutor, Roni. She’s gonna send you to a treatment program, you’re not gonna be at Rikers anymore.”

“Really?” 

“Really,” he nodded with a smile, “now we just have to talk to these detectives, okay? Just tell them everything that happened. Can you do that?”

Veronica nodded and turned to look at Amanda who had returned to her chair. She opened her mouth and then turned back to her brother.

“It’s okay,” he encouraged her, “you can talk to her. Would it be easier if I waited outside?”

She grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly. She moved her gaze to the floor, but finally, she began to talk. She told Amanda what the officers would do to her. They would beat her and rape her and throw her in solitary. She told her all the names she could remember: Wickers, Smith, and Reel. 

She told Rollins how she would hear the guards talk about her brother, talk about the things they would make him do. And how they would make sure he did it. 

“We’re going to bring you to the hospital for an exam,” Amanda said once Veronica was finished talking. 

Veronica shot a look over at her brother.

“It’s okay,” he nodded, “they’re gonna check you out and make sure you’re okay and then they’re gonna get evidence against the men who hurt you.”

“Can you come to the hospital?”

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head, “I have to talk to the Captain. But Detective Rollins here is great and she’s gonna take care of you. Right?” He shot a glance at Rollins.

“That’s right,” she agreed.

McNey watched as his sister stood and Rollins lead her out of the interview room. Then he stood and walked out, finding Benson just outside the room leaning against the wall.

“Okay, Captain,” he said, “let’s talk.” 

She led him to an interrogation room where Alex joined them. McNey sat down and sighed, he suddenly looked very tired.

“Tell us everything,” Benson said, “what you did, who told you to do it, all of it.”

McNey looked at Alex, “you promise me that my sister won’t go back to Rikers? She’ll go into a treatment program?”

“If you’re honest with us, yes,” she nodded. 

“Okay,” he said, “It started three months ago. I was visiting Veronica after my shift, so I was in uniform, and one of the guards, Delmond, pulled me aside. He asked me to do him a favor and said that if I did he’d keep an eye out for Roni and make sure she was okay.”

“What did he want you to do?” Benson asked.

“He wanted me to figure out what cases Barba was prosecuting. Once I told him he started asking me for more favors. When he told me to get the keys to his office I told him I wouldn’t. That was when he started to threaten her. I didn’t really think he’d hurt her, but when I went to see her a few days later she had a black eye and wouldn’t stop crying. From then on they owned me. If I didn’t do something fast enough or the way they wanted they would hurt her.”

“What else did you do for him?”

“I got a copy of Barba’s office key. Other than that it was mostly keeping tabs on him and reporting back. I would tell him what cases he was on and where he was spending his time. I would tell them who he was with.” 

“Did you leave the letters in his office?” Benson leaned forward.

“No,” he shook his head, “that wasn’t me.”

“And what about Detective Carisi,” Benson’s eyes narrowed, “how were you involved in that?”

“Remember,” Alex interjected, “the whole truth or your sister goes back to Rikers.” 

McNey’s face flushed with shame and he looked down at the table, “when Barba came to your squadroom I hung around to get information. I overheard Detective Carisi tell Detective Rollins that he was dating Barba. I passed that on to Delmond.”

“Then what?” Olivia pressed.

McNey opened his mouth but didn’t say anything for a moment. He couldn’t look at either of the women across the table from him, “he told me to shoot him. He told me what to say, to threaten him. I know this doesn’t change anything,” he took a deep breath, “but I’m sorry. He said he would kill Roni and I knew he’d do it.”

“What is Delmond’s first name?” Alex asked, looking over at Benson who was now glaring at the man across from them.

“His nametag said R, that’s all I know.”

“Who else was involved?”

“Delmond was the only one who talked to me, but I got the feeling there were at least a few more Rikers guards involved.”

“Do you know what they wanted from Barba?” Benson finally spoke. 

“He only ever told me what to do, he never told me why. I’m sorry Captain, I really am.”

“We’ll need you for a lineup later today,” Alex said.

The two women then got up and left the interrogation room. Benson sat down at her desk and sighed, Alex sat at the chair across from her. 

“What can we charge him with?” Benson asked.

“We could charge him with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for shooting Carisi, but we don’t want to do that.”

“Why not?”

“Any good lawyer will argue duress, that he wouldn’t have commited the crimes if his sister’s life hadn’t been threatened, and that he felt he had to because of that threat. And from what I heard Veronica tell Rollins, I can’t imagine any jury would convict.” 

“I know,” Benson shook her head, “I know he did this to protect his sister, but...”

“But it was one of your detectives,” Alex looked at her.

“Yeah,” Liv confirmed, looking away. 

“We want Delmond, he’s the one behind this.”


	18. Chapter 18

Olivia had a bad feeling. 

She was sitting in the back of a surveillance van, headset on, watching McNey round the corner out of her sight. Just an hour ago she had been coaching him through a phone call with Delmond. This wasn’t the first controlled meet she had set up, but something in the pit of her stomach didn’t feel right. 

McNey had done his best to convince Delmond that he hadn’t talked to SVU, that his sister hadn’t either, and that he just wanted to meet and figure out what to do next. And eventually the other man had agreed to meet him at a small industrial district about twenty minutes from Rikers. 

Benson had fitted him with a wire and did her best to prep him.

And now she was watching as he rounded the corner and she could hear his breaths in her headset. Another ten minutes went by and the only sound was McNey’s quickened breaths. 

Finally, there was a voice. “What’s going on?” The voice was rough and low, Delmond. 

“I promise I didn’t tell the cops anything,” McNey said, a slight shake evident in his voice, “but what should I do? I’ll do whatever you want, cuz we both know they’re just gonna send Veronica back to Rikers when they don’t get anything from her. And I just want her to be safe,” he had begun to ramble.

“You made sure she won’t say anything?” Delmond interrupted him.

“Yeah,” McNey promised, “she won’t say a word. Just, do you promise you won’t hurt her?”

“If you both do what you say, then you have nothing to worry about.”

“What, uh... to make sure she’s okay, is there anything I should do?” Delmond asked, his voice holding just enough desperation.

“Nothing,” Delmond grunted, “your job’s done. Go home and shut up.”

Benson sighed, she had wished they would get him on more. A confession would have been a long shot, but any sort of admittance, even just giving McNey an order. This would make their jobs a little harder, but they would get him.

And just as Benson looked out the window, expecting to see McNey round the corner to their van, a gunshot sounded. She heard it outside and through her headset. She tore off the equipment and threw the van door open, “go, go, go!” She shouted.

She pulled her gun as she and three state patrol officers rounded the corner to where the two men had met to speak. The first thing she saw was McNey laying facedown on the cement, a pool of blood growing beneath him. And then she looked up and saw Delmond rounding the corner ahead of her.

“Call and ambulance and apply pressure,” Liv shouted as she was already sprinting. She was vaguely aware of one of the officers a few feet behind her, but she kept her focus on Delmond. “NYPD, stop!” She shouted, well aware that he wouldn’t comply. 

When she rounded the corner herself she saw him again, making his way between two shipping containers. She followed, continuing to shout her orders and as the man began to tire she shortened the gap between them. 

As Delmond approached a fence he paused, and in the moment he took trying to decide if he could make it over, Benson slammed his face against it. With one hand pressing against his head she used her other to hold the gun against his neck. “I dare you,” she whispered through clenched teeth. 

With the help of the state police officer they got Delmond into the back of a squad car and Benson rode along as they headed to the station. The only phrase he uttered in her presence was, “I want my lawyer.”

And when they finally got back to the station with Delmond in cuffs, his union lawyer was already waiting. Benson brought him into the interrogation room and moments later was joined by Alex and his attorney. 

“I’ll need time with my client,” the woman said, looking between the two of them.

“Here’s the deal Roger,” Alex said, ignoring the lawyer beside her, “we’ve got you on shooting McNey, ordering the shooting of an NYPD detective, rape, assault, threatening an ADA, and assaulting an ADA. Now, we’re going to let your lawyer explain all of that to you, but if you don’t take a deal and give us everyone else involved, then you’ll be going to prison for the rest of you life.” 

“We’ll leave the two of you to talk,” Benson said as she began to walk toward the door, then she paused and turned back for a moment, “corrections officer in prison, now that’s ironic,” she added with a laugh. 

“Oh, and they’re gonna love you in there,” Alex smirked. 

XXX

Barba watched from Liv’s office as three men in Rikers uniforms were brought in to the station. They were escorted into separate rooms and out of the corner of his eye Barba saw Rollins shove the man she was walking. Benson had the same rough handling of her suspect and it gave Rafael an odd sense of calm to see. 

He looked down at his phone again, no call from Fin.

Barba had observed the interrogation of Delmond, which became more of a monologue once he took a deal for protective custody. Delmond had named everyone else involved and Barba’s heart had sunk lower and lower as the list grew on.

Three Rikers guards.

Two ADAs.

One judge.

People he had worked with for years. And he knew that in their regard it wasn’t personal, they weren’t doing this out of revenge or anger or any desire to hurt him. They had done this to protect themselves and their families. The Rikers guards, the actual ones at fault, had just found the perfect people to manipulate. 

The rational part of him could accept that. But then he remembered being grabbed outside the courthouse and beaten, reading increasingly graphic threats against himself, being pushed up against the brick building.

He remembered hearing that Sonny had been shot.

He remembered seeing Olivia covered in blood. 

And he found it harder to reconcile their actions.

The longer it went without an update on Sonny, the less inclined Rafael felt to understand them. Not only had they helped Delmond threaten him, but they had let rapists free. They had told women that if their attacker had any sort of power, then they couldn’t be stopped. They had looked aside and shuffled schedules and allowed these men to further victimize women. 

And that was something that Barba could never forgive. 

“How’re you holding up?”

Barba looked up and realized he had been grimacing. He turned his head to Stabler who had promptly made himself comfortable behind Liv’s desk when she had sent him in to babysit. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered. It wasn’t true, but why did that matter? 

Sonny was in the hospital still unconscious; Veronica and Miranda were in the hospital being treated and examined; and at least four women were out there, victimized and then revictimized by the DAs office. 

“My wife was in the hospital,” Stabler leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk, “she and Liv got in a car wreck while she was pregnant.”

“Are you going to tell me everything will be okay?” Barba raised a brow.

“No,” Stabler shook his head, “I know there’s nothing I can say that’ll help. So just tell me what you need from me.” 

Barba opened his mouth to answer, but before he could his phone rang.


	19. Chapter 19

“Raf?” Sonny struggled to open his eyes. His lids felt incredibly heavy, and when they finally did rise, everything was blurry, “Raf?”

“Barba’s fine, but you’re stuck with me for now.”

Sonny immediately recognized Fin’s voice and turned to look at him. He wasn’t much more than a fuzzy shape as Sonny repeatedly blinked his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision, “where?”

“He’s with Liv at the station. He’s really fine,” Fin assured him.

Carisi relaxed. He blinked a few more times and his vision began to clear, but his head still felt foggy. “What’s happened?” He asked.

“Well, you got shot.”

Sonny groaned as he adjusted his position, “I remember that part.” 

“I guess you do,” Fin nodded, “well here’s something you might not know, you broke the case wide open even with two bullets in the chest.”

“What’re you talking about?” 

“What you told Liv, in the ambulance, we tracked down the guy who heard you and Rollins talking and he led us to a Rikers guard. In exchange for protective custody he gave us everything. We got three other Rikers guards in custody as well as a judge and two ADAs that were being coerced.”

“Do you have the guy who shot me?” 

“Yeah,” Fin said, “we do.” He grabbed the back of a chair that was against the wall and pulled it up to Sonny’s hospital bed. He sat down and leaned forward, “his name’s John McNey, he’s a patrol cop in our precinct. He’s got a sister at Rikers.”

Sonny was quiet for a moment, “so he did this for her?”

“They’d been assaulting her for months, told him if he didn’t do it they’d kill her.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s in surgery,” Fin said, “one of the Rikers guards shot him during a controlled meet. Doctor says it’s up in the air.” 

Sonny sighed, although it sounded more like a groan, and turned to look out the window to the right of him. 

“You need anything, man?”

Sonny shook his head. As the minutes passed by he could hear Fin pull the chair away from the bed and sit down. He continued to look out the window which had the disappointing view of yet another building. He tried to process everything that Fin had just told him. Last he remembered he was laying on the asphalt feeling a warmth spread around his body.

And the gun. He remembered the gun.

He remembered the total and inescapable fear that had encased him. His heart had stopped and his whole body had gone suddenly cold. And in that fraction of a second before he fell back against the sidewalk, all he had thought of was Rafael. 

Because if there was one thing Sonny would do before he died he would protect him.

And now, what felt like only minutes later, they had them.

He knew it wasn’t over, not really, but they had gotten them and maybe Barba could feel safe again. Maybe he would be able to sleep without the fear of someone coming after him. And maybe Sonny would be able to take him out on a proper date.

And suddenly Sonny remembered their kiss. It was as if it was happening all over again. He remembered the warmth that had filled his chest. Joy, that’s what it had been. Pure and honest joy. 

“Sonny?”

At first Carisi thought it was just his memory. But then his name was spoken again, soft, tentative, yet rough. The voice that had captivated him from the first time he heard it.

“Raf,” he smiled, turning his head to find Barba standing in the doorway. He looked exhausted, but he looked okay, he looked relieved. 

“You’re alive,” was all that Barba could manage. 

“You sure?” Carisi asked.

Barba furrowed his brows, “what’re you...?”

“‘Cause all I see is an angel,” Carisi interrupted with his goofy half grin. 

“God,” Barba groaned.

“I think that’s my queue,” Fin stood up, “I’ll be in the hall if you need me,” he shook his head and chuckled before leaving the room. 

Barba couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he crossed the room. He was alive, Sonny was alive. All Rafael wanted was to go and pull Sonny into his arms and hold him, but instead he raised a brow and said, “I thought you were going to be on your best behavior in front of the squad?” 

“Objection, Counselor.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Barba shook his head. 

“Then I plead the fifth,” Carisi looked at him, wide-eyed and trying to suppress a smile.

“Ah, the right against self-incrimination, seems fitting.” Barba reached out like he wanted to take Carisi’s hand, but he stopped himself.

“Raf?”

“Yeah?”

“I’d kiss you right now if I could sit up for more than two seconds without having to catch my breath.”

“Oh.”

“But you could kiss me, ya know, if you want.” 

Rafael smiled as he leaned forward. He gently brought his lips against Sonny’s, which were delicate and chapped and stroked his hand against Sonny’s soft cheek. He could feel the warmth from the man against him, and to have him this close, to hold him, when he had thought just hours ago that Sonny may die, was overwhelming. 

He felt tears come to his eyes and tried to pull away before they fell to Sonny’s cheeks. 

But Sonny felt them and opened his bright blue eyes, “Raf?”

Barba quickly wiped his eyes and turned away.

“Raf, come here.” Sonny’s voice was soft and gentle, “please come back.”

Rafael stayed where he was for a moment before he took a breath and turned. His eyes were watering, but he had wiped the tears from his face. 

“Come here,” Sonny put out his hand, and when Barba took it he guided him forward. He patted the edge of his bed and did his best to make room. 

Barba laid down beside him, “I thought I lost you,” he choked, and he couldn’t stop the tears that began to fall from his eyes again.

“I know,” Carisi whispered, “I know. But I’m gonna be okay. We’re both gonna be okay, Raf.”

They laid there together and soon Barba’s tears began to slow. He could feel Sonny’s body, feel his warmth, feel his heartbeat. He was there and he was alive. And finally after hours of uncertainty, he was able to hold him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting close, only two more chapters to go after this one.

Benson walked through the familiar hospital halls. She had spent hours trying to get anything from the three Rikers guards, Wickers, Young, and Reel, but they had all lawyered up and were keeping quiet. It had been over four hours since she had sent Elliot to the hospital with Barba, and now she was finally able to see Sonny herself. 

Since she started at SVU, Olivia couldn’t count how many times she had been at this hospital, speaking with victims and doing her best to support them as they had to endure a physical exam. 

She had been here when Dodds died. 

And the countless times she had been here for Fin, Amanda, and Casey. For all the times Elliot had laid in that hospital bed, it never got any easier. It never got easier to accept that her detectives could die. That like Dodds, they could walk into a situation and the worst could happen. 

God, it never got any easier.

When she got to Carisi’s room she knocked on the open door, but when she looked in and saw Sonny struggling to get out of bed, she quickly stepped in.

“Carisi! What’re you doing?” 

He looked up at her, “evenin’ Captain.” He leaned back against the elevated bed and caught his breath.

“Where’s Fin?” She asked, glancing around the empty room.

“Sent him with Raf,” Carisi said, still winded, “he went home to get a few things.”

“You know we caught them, right?” Liv sat down on the edge of his bed, “Barba doesn’t need a security detail anymore.”

“Just being careful,” Sonny said, then glanced at the doorway, “and just between you and me, I don’t think Raf wanted to go back alone.”

Olivia saw his eyes light up when he talked about Rafael and she couldn’t help but smile. She had seen the way Carisi looked at Barba for years, and she had known, but she had also doubted it would end well for him. And right now, she couldn’t have been happier to be wrong.

Carisi began to sit up again, trying to push himself forward with his hands.

“Carisi,” she nearly scolded, “lay down.”

He shook his head and finally got himself upright.

“What are you trying to do?”

“McNey’s awake,” he said in answer. 

“Sonny...”

“You’re free to leave, Cap, but I’m gonna get out of this bed.”

Benson sighed, knowing the right thing to do would be to get him to lay back down, but she knew her detective and she knew how stubborn he was. 

“Just wait a second,” she said and pulled the wheelchair out from its spot in the corner of the room, “at least sit down.” 

Carisi tried to protest, but kept having to stop to catch his breath, so finally he slid off the bed and sat down in the wheelchair. Once he was seated there was a light sheen of sweat across his face. 

He started to push the wheels and Olivia stopped him, “where to?” 

“314A,” he said and then leaned back and closed his eyes. 

Benson pushed the wheelchair around the maze of hospital hallways until she finally found the correct room. She looked inside and saw McNey lying in a hospital bed. It was almost the mirror image of Carisi’s room. The TV was on inside, but McNey’s head was turned, facing the window. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” She asked.

Carisi didn’t answer, but instead lifted his hand and knocked gently on the door. 

McNey’s head turned and his face paled as he recognized Sonny. 

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” McNey said. His voice was hoarse. 

Liv pushed Sonny up to the side of his bed and walked back toward the door. She leaned against the wall, arms crossed. She watched the men, unwilling to leave the room. 

“I’m sorry,” McNey’s voice cracked, “I’m so sorry for what I did.”

“I forgive you.” Sonny’s voice was soft and even. He rested a hand on McNey’s, “I forgive you Richard.”

“What– why would you...?”

“I got three sisters,” Carisi said, “and I’ve been in impossible situations.”

“I’m still...”

“It’s okay,” Sonny patted his hand, “now take care of your sister, okay?”

Olivia stood there, so stunned she almost missed Sonny rolling past her into the hallway. Then she turned and took ahold of his wheelchair, taking over and pushing it. 

As they went down the hall Carisi spoke, “Raf was, uh, brief on case details earlier.”

Benson nodded although he couldn’t see her, and then gave him the details of the case, everything he had missed while he was in the hospital. 

“The four Rikers guards involved in this have been manipulating family members of inmates; specifically two ADAs and a judge,” she started, “a few months ago the guards gang raped at least four former Rikers inmates in a different precinct and the cases made it to the DAs office. They wanted to keep Barba off the cases and direct them to those specific ADAs. That’s why they started to threaten him, because when the threats got violent, the DA took him off all cases. Between the two ADAs and the judge, they got all four cases dismissed.”

“Why did they shoot me if Barba was already off his cases?”

“Delmond went through training with Munson, it was personal for him.”

They quieted as they passed a group of patients in the hall and they didn’t begin to speak again until they were back in Sonny’s room.

“You’re sure you got ‘em all?” Carisi asked, “everyone in the DAs office and NYPD too?”

“To the best of our knowledge, yes.”

“To the best of our knowledge,” Carisi muttered to himself.

XXX

“You about ready?” Fin asked from Barba’s living room.

“Yeah,” Barba walked out with his briefcase and a small duffel bag. He hadn’t been able to get to Carisi’s apartment, so instead he had pulled out any of his clothes that had the fraction of a chance of fitting Sonny, although the pants were all likely to look more like capris, “I just need to do one more thing before we go back to the hospital.”

Barba took out his phone and dialed the number he had gotten for the disciplinary committee for the New York State Bar Association. Because the ADAs and the judge may not be facing criminal charges, but they sure as hell weren’t getting off.

Barba would make sure they were disbarred. It was the least that could be done. They had betrayed the people of New York, they had destroyed the credibility of the DAs office, and they had let four rapists walk free. 

And if they had come forward, this could have been stopped sooner. 

It could have stopped before Sonny was shot.

So when someone answered and he was transferred to the correct person, he gave his name and credentials, and then he reported DAs Wilson and Smith and Judge Terry for ethical violations. 

And he would follow up every day until they all lost their licenses. Until they could never practice law again. 

“Let’s go,” he turned as he ended the call and walked out of his apartment ready to return to the hospital.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait on this update! But I hope you all enjoy this second to last chapter!

After three days in the hospital, Sonny was getting restless. He was tired of hospital food (although Raf had managed to sneak him in some decent food) and he was especially tired of being woken up in the middle of the night by nurses checking his vitals. His chest still hurt and he couldn’t walk much farther than the hall without having to catch his breath, but he was doing much better. And for the first time he was wearing his own clothes. Barba had dropped off a bag before heading off, something about talking to Cabot. 

Barba had spent every night in the hospital sleeping on the couch in Sonny’s room; he said he didn’t want to leave Sonny alone, but Carisi knew it was just as much about Barba being afraid to spend the night alone at his apartment. 

Neither of them said anything about that, of course.

As Sonny waited for his discharge papers he glanced over at the folded up blanket and pillow that were resting at the end of the couch. The past few nights he had watched Rafael toss and turn. Barba had taken the time off work–probably for the first time in his professional career–and there was shuffling going on within the DAs office as it was being investigated for further corruption. 

A nurse walked into his room with a wheelchair, “you’re all set to go,” she said.

“I can walk,” Sonny said as he stood.

“Hospital policy,” she smiled. 

Carisi nodded and sat in the wheelchair, resting his duffel bag on his lap, and let himself be pushed down the hall and out of the hospital. He confirmed that he had someone coming to pick him up. When they got outside Sonny breathed in the fresh air. There was a cold breeze and he shivered. A few minutes later a black SUV pulled up and Liv got out. 

“How’re you feeling?” Liv asked as he stood from the wheelchair and walked toward her.

She had stopped by the hospital a couple of times over the past few days, but Sonny knew she had been busy working. The three Rikers guards were going to trial and SVU was working with Cabot to build the case. Carisi and Barba hadn’t been involved in the case since they were both victims, and would testify as such, leaving more work for the rest of the squad. 

“Ready to be home,” he said as he opened the passenger side door and sat down.

“I think there’s someone else who’s ready for you to be home,” Benson muttered as she walked around to the other side of the car.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Liv smiled.

When Liv got in the car she handed a small bag to Sonny. He took it and opened it, finding hair gel, a comb, some breath mints, and deodorant.

“You trying to tell me somethin’ Cap?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she suppressed a smile.

Carisi looked at her quizzically, but lowered the sunvisor and opened the small mirror. To be honest, he had hated how his hair had looked the past few days. He put a small amount of gel in his hair and combed it back. He glanced down at himself, between the slacks and button down shirt Barba had brought him and his hair finally looking right, he didn’t look too bad. 

He glanced over at Liv, feeling weird about putting deodorant on in front of her, but she was focused on the road ahead. A few minutes later they pulled up in front of his apartment building. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had spent the night here. Between Barba’s, the precinct, and the hospital it seemed like forever since he had laid in his own bed. 

He got out of the car and Liv grabbed his bag, meeting him on the curb. She walked with him into the lobby and into the elevator and down the hall to his apartment.

“Don’t forget the breath mints.”

Carisi popped one in his mouth before pulling the key from his pocket and opening his front door. The first thing he noticed was the smell of food. And then he saw that his dining room table was covered in candles. 

He turned back and looked at Benson, who set his bag down and gave him a smile before disappearing down the hall.

Sonny took a step into his apartment, the lights were dimmed and he could hear movement in the kitchen. He walked over and smiled when he saw Rafael, back turned, working at the stove.

“Something sure smells great.”

“Oh!” Barba turned, startled, he hadn’t heard the front door open, “I’m just about done. Why don’t you sit down?”  
Sonny made his way to the dining room table and sat. The table was set with his best dishes, given to him by his grandmother. There were lit candles that smelled like vanilla and he took a deep breath. 

Sonny looked up when Rafael walked into the room holding a large platter and a bowl of rice. The food smelled wonderful.

“It’s ropa vieja,” Rafael said with a smile as he set it down on the table, “can I serve you?”

Carisi nodded.

Barba gave him two generous spoonfuls of rice and then scooped on the beef dish. “My abuelita used to make this for us,” Rafael said, “it was always my favorite meal growing up.”

“Wow,” Sonny said once he had finished his first bite, “this is really good Raf.”

Rafael’s face flushed and he looked down at his own food. 

“But I thought you said you couldn’t cook?” Carisi questioned with a raised brow.

“My mom taught me this recipe, but ask me to make anything else and I may burn down your apartment.”

“Sounds like you just need some more lessons.”

“Is that an offer?”

“‘Course it is,” Sonny smiled.

His beautiful, goofy, joyous smile. The smile that made Barba’s chest warm and allowed him to forget everything else that was going on in his life for just a moment. The smile that made Rafael want to kiss him.

“I’m glad you didn’t die, Carisi.”

Sonny reached across the table and rested his hand on Barba’s, “I love you too, Raf.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me through this fic! Here is the last chapter, I hope you enjoy, and I would love to hear what you think about the fic :)

Barba couldn’t show fear in the courtroom.

Not as he looked at the three defendants sitting across the courtroom from him, not as he described the threats he had received, and not as he recounted the assaults against him. 

But he couldn’t come off as brash either. He couldn’t look cocky or smug. 

He had to be likeable, reliable, believable. 

And every facial expression, every movement, every change in tone had a purpose. 

But sitting on the stand was different than prosecuting, and Barba hated it. He hated not having casenotes in front of him or evidence at his disposal. And most of all he hated talking about himself in a room filled with people. 

The courtroom was packed with reporters, ADAs, and Rikers guards and there was a buzz of energy. Cases involving corruption tended to do that. Barba focused himself and listened closely to Cabot’s question, answering it easily, because of course he had prepped for this.

And even as defense began their cross, John Buchanan nonetheless, Barba was prepared. He was well enough versed in Buchanan’s tactics that he anticipated most of the questions before they came. He was deliberate in his answers, knowing that every word he said had the potential to bite him in the ass. 

Rafael looked out into the crowd of people and his eyes immediately landed on Liv. She gave him an encouraging smile. He wished Sonny were out there, but he was in the hall preparing for his own testimony. 

And when he was finally done he walked out of the courtroom, shaky and unsteady, and heard Cabot announce, “the state calls Detective Dominick Carisi to the stand.”

Barba sat on a bench outside the courtroom, trading the curious and incessant glances of passerbys with the opportunity to see Sonny when he walked out of the room. And as he waited he looked around the courthouse. It felt foreign, as though it wasn’t the same building he had spent years prosecuting cases in. 

And while the illusion of justice had crumbled before him years ago, these walls had still managed to maintain a sense of purpose.

But now that was corrupted as well.

He continued to look at the space around him, wondering if he would ever be able to reconcile himself with the actions performed here. 

Barba was finally pulled from his thoughts when he heard the courtroom doors open. He turned and saw Sonny walking toward him. He was wearing a grey suit, one of his nicer ones, and had his hair styled back. 

“Ready to go?” Sonny asked. 

“I want to stay here until the trial’s done for the day,” Barba said as he stood.

“Well,” Carisi held out his hand, “if I recall correctly, you have a private office with a couch.” 

Barba paused for just a fraction of a second before taking the other man’s hand. The two of them walked down the hall together and eventually got to Barba’s office. He unlocked the door and couldn’t help but glance at his desk. No note. 

Sonny sat down on the couch and Rafael sat next to him, and when Carisi reached a lanky arm around his shoulder, he allowed himself to be pulled close. He breathed in Sonny’s cologne and felt the warmth of his skin against him.

“I love you, Sonny.”

Barba felt Sonny place a gentle kiss on the top of his head, “I love you too, Raf.” 

And Rafael knew that it would take time for both of them to recover. From the stress, from the fear, from the pain. 

But now? Right now?

He was safe.


End file.
